The Bible contains a lot of questions, and it doesn’t always provide satisfactory answers. So I’ve been answering some of the Bible’s questions myself. This time, I’m looking at questions from the book of Ezekiel.

Ezekiel asks God: Are you going to destroy the entire remnant of Israel in this outpouring of your wrath on Jerusalem? Answer: No. As he just said, the killers won’t touch anyone who has the mark. Weren’t you listening?

God expects that the Israelites have asked Ezekiel: What are you doing? Answer: Ineffectively trying to tell the people something by sort of acting it out, because his God won’t let him communicate normally.

God says his people ask: Why does the son not share the guilt of his father? Answer: Because they’re not the same person?

Ezekiel says the people ask: Isn’t he just telling parables? Answer: Ezekiel does tell quite a few parables, but that’s not all he does. So no.

God expects that his people will ask Ezekiel: Why are you groaning? Answer: Because his God couldn’t think of a better way to get his message across.

God expects sailors to ask: Who was ever silenced like Tyre? Answer: Plenty have been, I’m sure. Especially if by “like Tyre” you mean “unsuccessfully“.

God tells Ezekiel to inform the Israelites that the Israelites are asking: Our offenses and sins weigh us down, and we are wasting away because of them. How then can we live? Answer: By not doing that?

God expects Sheba and Dedan and the merchants of Tarshish and all the villages of Tarshish to ask Gog of Magog: Have you come to plunder? Have you gathered your hordes to loot, to carry off silver and gold, to take away livestock and goods and to seize much plunder? Answer: Yeah, that’s pretty much what he just said he was going to do.

God’s questions

God asks: Is it a trivial matter for the people of Judah to do the detestable things they are doing here? Answer: Pretty much. None of the behavior God has pointed out in this chapter up to this point was actually seriously harmful at all. He does mention some violence after asking this question, but that actual evil seems to be an afterthought for him.

He asks: How is the wood of a vine different from that of a branch from any of the trees in the forest? Answer: It depends on the type of vine. Some aren’t woody at all.

Then he asks: Is wood ever taken from it to make anything useful? God’s answer: No, it’s nothing but fuel for the fire. Real answer: Yes. And not just to make fire. Which is nevertheless useful.

And he asks: After it is thrown on the fire as fuel and the fire burns both ends and chars the middle, is it then useful for anything? If it was not useful for anything when it was whole, how much less can it be made into something useful when the fire has burned it and it is charred? Answer: Charcoal has lots of uses too.

He asks: Will such a wicked man live? Answer: Probably. Job and Solomon would say he will. But the question is pretty meaningless when you don’t specify how long you’re thinking of him living. Everyone will live. And everyone will also die.

God asks: Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? Answer: You certainly do seem to like to kill people, regardless of whether they’re wicked or not.

He asks: Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live? Answer: Apparently not. Ask Eli’s sons. They failed to repent because “it was the Lord’s will to put them to death“. It sounds like they would have turned from their wicked ways if it was up to them, but God didn’t let them, because then he wouldn’t get to kill them.

And he asks: But if a righteous person turns from their righteousness and commits sin and does the same detestable things the wicked person does, will they live? God’s answer: No. Alternative biblical answer: Yup. Ask Solomon.

God asks: Is my way unjust? Answer: Yes. (And what you’re now claiming is your way is not your way.)

God asks Ezekiel: Will you judge them? Answer: No, you will.

God asks the king of Tyre: Are you wiser than Daniel? Answer: You mean the guy who prayed illegally in front of an open window? Probably. It wouldn’t be hard to be wiser than that.

He asks the king: Will you then say, “I am a god” in the presence of those who kill you? Answer: “Then”, as in after drowning? Probably not.

God asks Pharaoh: Who can be compared with you in majesty? Answer: Solomon?

God’s questions to the Jews

God asks: What is this proverb you have in the land of Israel: “The days go by and every vision comes to nothing”? Answer: It’s the truth. And God’s response that there will be no more delay when it comes to prophecies certainly doesn’t help. Not only is that yet another false prophecy itself, but it also means that most subsequent prophecies should now be considered false as well, even if they otherwise could have been assumed to be true but delayed.

God asks the false prophets: Have you not seen false visions and uttered lying divinations when you say “The Lord declares,” though I have not spoken? Answer: Well, according to the previous sentence, they’re not actually lying. They really believe that God is going to do what they’re predicting. And even God’s question here admits that the prophets have seen visions of these things. Whose fault is that? Who’s giving them these false visions? It must be God, since he is in control of whether people see false visions.

God asks them: When the wall collapses, will people not ask you, “Where is the whitewash you covered it with?” Answer: Uh, no, that does not sound like a thing that anyone would ever say.

God asks: Should I let idolaters in Israel inquire of me at all? Answer: Yes, and you should give them real answers.

God asks his metaphorical wife: Did you not add lewdness to all your other detestable practices? Answer: No, she started with it.

God asks his people: Do you not know what these things mean? Answer: You haven’t told them yet, so I would think not. How could anyone possibly guess what your stupid nonsense stories mean?

God asks: What do you people mean by quoting this proverb about the land of Israel: “The parents eat sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge”? Answer: They’re describing what you generally do.

He asks: Why will you die, people of Israel? Answer: Because you insist on killing them.

God asks the elders of Israel who have come to inquire of him: Have you come to inquire of me? Answer: Yes.

God asks his people: Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? Answer: No, that wouldn’t be necessary even if they wanted the rest to be no good, since “the rest” would be the parts that weren’t good to begin with.

To be continued…