The Bible is not a good book, but even a book as bad as the Bible isn’t all bad. Here are some parts I rather like.

Good advice

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

The advisers need to have a variety of views, though. Having many advisers who all agree with each other is no better than having one adviser.

To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

I’m assuming that by “offense”, Solomon means something like “insult”, not something like “physical assault”. Otherwise, this is bad advice. Despite what Jesus thinks.

There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is meaningless—a miserable business!

All work and no play when you’re already wealthy? That does sound rather pointless.

Invest in seven ventures, yes, in eight; you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.

Diversification is good investing advice, when done right. Unfortunately, that advice isn’t actually in the Bible. This is a mistranslation of a verse that wasn’t originally about investing at all.

“Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.”

That’s not true, but I like the part about discouraging unnecessary violence.

Have salt among yourselves, and be at peace with each other.

I like salt.

Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’ Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace.

If only Jesus’s advice could always be this reasonable.

When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

Some people think it’s better to only compete with yourself rather than compete with others. I think comparing yourself only to yourself will lead to much less self-improvement, and is therefore the worse option.

Revenge is not justice

Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.

When people do bad things, doing more bad things back to them¹ doesn’t do any good; it only adds to the amount of bad things being done. So it’s good the Bible is discouraging revenge, even if it does give the wrong reasons not to do it.

Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice.

If it involves bad things happening to people, it’s probably not the best possible outcome, and nothing to rejoice about.

Do not say, “I’ll do to them as they have done to me; I’ll pay them back for what they did.”

For that matter, don’t say “I’ll do to them as I would have them do to me“, either.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil.

That would be evil.

Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.

People call it “payback”, but retribution doesn’t really fulfill the same function as paying back a debt. If person A has harmed person B, then the repayment that needs to occur to compensate for that would be something that benefits B, not something that harms A. Harming A doesn’t do any good. Harming people does harm.

The only way harming A could possibly actually constitute “getting even” would be in cases of straightforward value transfer like theft, where the stolen goods should be taken back away from B. Who they never really belonged to, so that’s not what I would call repaying with evil.

Anyway, most cases of A harming B aren’t going to be straightforward value transfers like that, so you can’t expect that how much A is harmed by what B did, and how much B benefits from it, and how much B is harmed by retribution, and how much A benefits from retribution, will always all be the same. In most cases, they probably won’t be equivalent, so we shouldn’t be treating those things so simplistically like they all have equal magnitude.

The problem is that B has been harmed. To correct that, you need something that benefits B by the same amount. And harming A probably isn’t going to accomplish that.

Honesty is the best, probably

An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.

But don’t let that keep you from honestly answering people who you wouldn’t kiss on the lips.

Like a maniac shooting flaming arrows of death is one who deceives their neighbor and says, “I was only joking!”

Yeah, can’t you joke without deceiving people?

Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue.

It’s not necessarily true that this will gain you favor, but don’t let that stop you from doing the right thing and telling the truth.

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.

That does sound like it would tend to be a better option than either saying nothing and letting them keep doing something wrong, or getting authorities involved and causing everybody a lot of needless trouble. Maybe not always the best option, though.

It’s not the thought that counts

Or if it is, you’d better be actually putting plenty of thought into whether you’re doing the right thing.

Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.

Maybe some people will appreciate it, but don’t do it unless you know they want that.

Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means.

Now we pray to God that you will not do anything wrong—not so that people will see that we have stood the test but so that you will do what is right even though we may seem to have failed.

It’s more important to actually achieve a good outcome than for people to think a good outcome has been achieved.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

This is good advice for what to do when you’re given good advice. Not so good for when you’re given the Bible, though. How about: Listen to it, carefully judge it, and then if it’s actually worth doing, make sure you actually do it.

If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?

If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Rationality

Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd, and do not show favoritism to a poor person in a lawsuit.

People very often don’t have good reasons for what they think or do, and the fact that there are a lot of people thinking or doing the same thing doesn’t change that.

Though his disease was severe, even in his illness he did not seek help from the Lord, but only from the physicians.

But the Bible wants you to think that’s a bad thing.

Answer me then, if you can; stand up and argue your case before me.

Do everything with arguing, so that you (and/or the person you’re arguing with) may come to know the truth.

Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.

My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion.

The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out.

Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance.

Also if you don’t wage war. And also if you haven’t decided whether you want to wage war.

Wisdom is better than weapons of war.

Though it wouldn’t be very wise to never have any weapons when you need to defend yourself. So really you should probably have both.

Let us argue the matter together.

If people disagree about something objective, then someone is wrong. Someone has a false belief, and that’s a problem. A problem you’re not likely to be able to fix if you’re not willing to argue.

Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.

The map is not the territory. What you are is not determined by what you think or say you are.

Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while—yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance.

If hurting people’s feelings will make them stop thinking or doing things that are wrong, then it’s good to hurt people’s feelings.

Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth.

Paul feels the need to spend a lot of time trying to justify boasting, for some reason. Anyway, I agree with him here that there’s nothing wrong with boasting if what you’re boasting about is true.

Religious foolishness refuted by the Bible

Stand up! What are you doing down on your face?

(Said by God to someone who was praying.)

Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good.

You don’t need a God to tell you what’s right and wrong. People can figure it out themselves.

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.

The beginning of wisdom is not the fear of the Lord.

The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.

To have faith is to reject critical thinking, and faith gives you no more reason to believe one thing than to believe another. Having faith would not be prudent.

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.

So don’t be like Christians, who don’t live by sight.

I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness. The wise have eyes in their heads, while the fool walks in the darkness.

Blind faith is foolishness.

Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.

Some religious people like to avoid words that make them think of evil, and replace them with opposite words that sound more good. Like saying heaveno instead of hello. But changing what you call something doesn’t change what it is. If the original word actually refers to something evil, now you’re calling something evil good, which is wrong. And if it doesn’t actually refer to something evil, then it doesn’t matter and there’s no good reason to avoid saying it.

“If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: ‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

Fighting scripture with scripture is fun. And the Bible provides lots of opportunities to do that. Jesus is misinterpreting that particular verse, though. It is also written: “Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

When I was a child, I was a Christian.

They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved.

A good description of people who reject truth by embracing the thoroughly irrational principle of faith, and as a result get themselves killed by doing things like handling deadly snakes or opting to rely on prayer instead of medicine.

Be merciful to those who doubt.

Merciful isn’t really the right word for the correct attitude toward doubt, since doubting things is a good thing, not just a tolerable thing. But being merciful is at least better than not being merciful.

Put it to the test

The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’”

Miracles must be unambiguous. It’s not proof of God’s involvement if it can happen without God.

Now then, get a new cart ready, with two cows that have calved and have never been yoked. Hitch the cows to the cart, but take their calves away and pen them up. Take the ark of the Lord and put it on the cart, and in a chest beside it put the gold objects you are sending back to him as a guilt offering. Send it on its way, but keep watching it. If it goes up to its own territory, toward Beth Shemesh, then the Lord has brought this great disaster on us. But if it does not, then we will know that it was not his hand that struck us but that it happened to us by chance.

Get two bulls for us. Let Baal’s prophets choose one for themselves, and let them cut it into pieces and put it on the wood but not set fire to it. I will prepare the other bull and put it on the wood but not set fire to it. Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the Lord. The god who answers by fire—he is God.

If you want to know if a god is real, subject it to a scientific test where it has to prove itself by performing an unambiguous miracle on command. If a god fails to perform when tested, then that god is not real and should be rejected. We should hold the God of the Bible to this same biblical standard.

Please test your servants for ten days: Give us nothing but vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then compare our appearance with that of the young men who eat the royal food, and treat your servants in accordance with what you see.

Science.

If you do not tell me the dream… You have conspired to tell me misleading and wicked things… So then, tell me the dream, and I will know that you can interpret it for me.

Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

Okay, I’ve tested all the biblical prophecies and prophets I could, and it’s not looking good for the Bible. All the Bible’s most important prophets have made false predictions, which means they should be rejected as false prophets.

Correct me if I’m wrong

Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt.

Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong.

Don’t assume that people who disagree with you are stupid, especially if you haven’t given them a chance to fully explain to you what they really think and why. Ask them to change your mind, and mean it.

Teach me what I cannot see; if I have done wrong, I will not do so again.

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

Smart people appreciate being corrected.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.

Mockers resent correction, so they avoid the wise.

(I don’t know why Solomon’s using “mocker” interchangeably with “fool”, though. The wise and the foolish both mock. Solomon even portrays Wisdom herself as a mocker.)

Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.

Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.

A rebuke impresses a discerning person more than a hundred lashes a fool.

(Though I get the impression that Solomon thinks that’s because of a difference between discerning people and fools, rather than realizing how ineffective violent punishment is for improving behavior.)

Rebuke the discerning, and they will gain knowledge.

It is better to heed the rebuke of a wise person than to listen to the song of fools.

Give me a reason

He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, and yet had condemned him.

“Present your case,” says the Lord. “Set forth your arguments,” says Jacob’s King.

What sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you?

A good question. You certainly shouldn’t accept that someone is a god if he’s not even able and willing to show you a miraculous sign.

If I said something wrong, testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.

And if your belief is based on faith, that means you don’t actually have a reason.

Truth

Occasionally the Bible tells the truth, though mostly by accident.

It is not only the old who are wise, not only the aged who understand what is right.

Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.

Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.

In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines.

If you only ever listen to one side of a disagreement, then that side, whichever it happens to be, will probably seem right to you. If you only listen to one side, you’re not going to get an accurate idea of what the other side thinks, and what reasons they have for what they think. And no, listening to one side telling you what the other side thinks doesn’t count.

Not only does the first argument seem right until you hear the counter-argument, but the counter-argument might seem right only until you hear the counter-counter-argument, and so on. You should never feel sure that you’ve already reached the right answer, to the point that you’re not willing to listen to people who disagree, because it’s quite possible you haven’t yet gone deep enough into the debate to get to the truth.

Sluggards do not plow in season; so at harvest time they look but find nothing.

My son, give me your heart and let your eyes delight in my ways, for an adulterous woman is a deep pit, and a wayward wife is a narrow well.

Some people think promiscuity makes your vagina permanently loosen, but I guess they didn’t think so in biblical times.

If you falter in a time of trouble, how small is your strength!

Like the useless legs of one who is lame is a proverb in the mouth of a fool.

Even as fools walk along the road, they lack sense and show everyone how stupid they are.

If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?

The earth will become desolate because of its inhabitants, as the result of their deeds.

Humanity is eventually going to destroy itself by its own actions? That’s probably true. Though not in the way Micah had in mind.

For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.

Conservation of mass.

Yet these people slander whatever they do not understand.

A common cause of people wrongly criticizing people they disagree with.

We have no reliable knowledge about God

If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the Lord does not take place or come true, that is a message the Lord has not spoken.

Take note of how many biblical prophecies fit that description.

One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard.

People reading the same scriptures can get wildly different ideas of what it says.

Who is blind but my servant, and deaf like the messenger I send? Who is blind like the one in covenant with me, blind like the servant of the Lord?

God’s prophets have no special insight. In fact, they’re less likely than everyone else to know what’s up.

How can you say, “We are wise, for we have the law of the Lord,” when actually the lying pen of the scribes has handled it falsely?

Even if God really had told humans what he wanted us to do, you would have no reliable way to know what he had said. The scriptures have been corrupted.

For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge.

Like all zeal for God.

Is it possible that there is nobody among you wise enough to judge a dispute between believers?

Apparently Christians are shamefully lacking in wisdom, according to the Bible. And they don’t have any kind of access to God sufficient to resolve religious disagreements.

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised.

Because faith is foolishness, and God’s promises are lies.

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.

Faith prevents people from seeing what a bad thing faith is.

Believers act like they don’t believe

Are you going to plead Baal’s cause? Are you trying to save him? … If Baal really is a god, he can defend himself when someone breaks down his altar.

Same applies to any other god. There is no need for humans to defend God, unless he’s not real.

I was ashamed to ask the king for soldiers and horsemen to protect us from enemies on the road, because we had told the king, “The gracious hand of our God is on everyone who looks to him, but his great anger is against all who forsake him.”

This is the logical conclusion if you claim that when God doesn’t give you what you pray for then it means it’s not God’s will for that to happen: If that was true, then to try to make it happen anyway would be to act against God’s will. You should be ashamed if you claim that God will give you what you need, but then you have to ask somebody else for it. If you really think that anything you can’t get just by praying is not God’s will, then you should never do anything but pray.

When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.

Some people think there are “no atheists in foxholes”. But according to what Jesus says, it sounds more like there are no Christians in foxholes.

They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him.

This is true of all Christians.

There is no God

They cried for help, but there was no one to save them—to the Lord, but he did not answer.

They prayed to God, but they got no answer, because there was no God to answer their prayers. (And even if there was, it would still make no sense to pray for anything.)

Who of all the gods of these countries has been able to save his land from me? How then can the Lord deliver Jerusalem from my hand?

Try keeping track of the results of your prayers, and compare notes with someone who prays to a different god. You’ll find that praying to your God doesn’t get you what you ask for any more often than praying to any other god. (Not unless you interpret the results in a biased way that unfairly favors your God.)

A person’s own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the Lord.

And a person’s own wise choices lead to their flourishing, yet they give thanks to the Lord. Which is equally wrong.

I look but there is no one—no one among the gods to give counsel, no one to give answer when I ask them. See, they are all false! Their deeds amount to nothing.

All gods are false.

A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head.

Ironically, out of everyone in the Bible, only God/Jesus ever acknowledges that nature can do anything by itself without divine intervention.

The world through its wisdom did not know him.

To not “know God” is wise.

The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual.

The imagined spiritual.

For everything in the world … comes not from the Father but from the world.

Nothing in the world came from God.

This is not a good God

I have sinned; I, the shepherd, have done wrong. These are but sheep. What have they done?

David calling out God for his habit of punishing the wrong people.

Is my complaint directed to a human being? Why should I not be impatient?

If God has no human limitations, he has no excuse for not always immediately giving people the help they need.

Then the whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region.

This is what people think of Jesus when they have to deal with him actually being around and causing trouble.

But if, in seeking to be justified in Christ, we Jews find ourselves also among the sinners, doesn’t that mean that Christ promotes sin?

Yup. Forgiveness promotes sin. Paul claims it doesn’t, but he doesn’t even try to explain how it doesn’t.

They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm.

If you were fully aware of everything that God’s laws say, you wouldn’t want to teach them.

The Bible vs. Christian beliefs

Look up at the heavens and see; gaze at the clouds so high above you. If you sin, how does that affect him? If your sins are many, what does that do to him? If you are righteous, what do you give to him, or what does he receive from your hand? Your wickedness only affects humans like yourself, and your righteousness only other people.

Even the Bible acknowledges at one point that morality is about the effect you have on humans, not about the effect you have on God. Because you have no effect on God.

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.

Because they won’t be able to be happy or do good when they don’t live.

Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return.

And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another.

Envy is a good thing, then. And an important thing. What’s bad is if you choose to act out of envy in destructive ways rather than in constructive ways. Envy itself is not a bad thing.

Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.

Life doesn’t have a “meaning”, whatever that means. Just try to enjoy it, okay?

This is what the Sovereign Lord says to Jerusalem: Your ancestry and birth were in the land of the Canaanites.

Not just that city that they allegedly conquered, but the Hebrew people he’s talking to here probably originated from Canaan too.

And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

If God was real, he would already know what you need, and would not have to be told. Which is one of many reasons it makes no sense to ever pray for anything at all. And it makes even less sense for Christians to pray a lot, when the Bible repeatedly tells you to keep prayer to a minimum.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do… For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

Some Christians think evil exists because free will exists. But according to the Bible, free will doesn’t exist, because of evil that already exists.

For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

You can overthrow Jesus by teaching about him intelligently.

For the message of the cross is foolishness.

“…to those who are perishing”, but that’s everyone, since everyone still sins, and since Jesus doesn’t cover continued sinning, and since the wages of sin is death. So it’s just foolishness. The message of Christianity makes absolutely no sense.

My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.

So don’t trust your conscience. Your conscience can be wrong.

If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.

And by the way, the Bible confirms that there is no resurrection of the dead. So all of those consequences of that fact are indeed true.

Morality

The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.

People don’t do wrong because they want to do wrong. People do wrong because they’re convinced that what they’re doing is right.

When people think that the flawed rules found in the Bible are the commands of a God who can never be wrong about morality, for example, this causes people to do evil and think they’re doing good. It causes people to never consider defying or even questioning the wrong ideas of morality they’ve been given.

Love must be sincere.

And it follows that love must not be unconditional. If you love some unconditionally, it’s not for a reason, and if you don’t have any reason to love someone, how can your love be sincere?

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial.

Not everything you have a right to is right. And not everything that’s bad should be banned. Some actions are not so good that you should do them, but also not so bad that you shouldn’t be allowed to do them.

Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.

They say ignorance of the law is no excuse. That’s absurd. It is completely unreasonable to expect people to follow all the laws, when there are more laws than anyone could possibly remember. I hear there are even laws that people aren’t allowed to know about. The Bible agrees with me, at least some of the time, that people should not be punished for crimes they didn’t even know were crimes.

Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order to provide for urgent needs and not live unproductive lives.

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