The Bible’s questions, answered—part 18: Answers to questions in Romans

The Bible contains a lot of questions, and it doesn’t always provide satisfactory answers. So I’ve been answering some of the Bible’s questions myself. This time, I’m looking at questions from Paul’s letter to the Romans.

Paul asks: When you pass judgment on anyone for anything and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? (Implied answer: You won’t.) Real answer: Yes, but why would you assume I do those things? Not everyone’s as hypocritical as you, Paul.

He asks: You who preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who boast in the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? (Implied answer: Yes.) Real answer: I wouldn’t think so. What kind of person would assume that everyone does all that?

Paul asks: If those who are not circumcised keep the law’s requirements, will they not be regarded as though they were circumcised? Answer: No, circumcision is part of the law, so it’s impossible to keep the law’s requirements without being circumcised.

He asks: What advantage, then, is there in being a Jew, or what value is there in circumcision? Answer: Probably not enough to outweigh the harms of circumcision.

Paul asks: Why not say “Let us do evil that good may result”? Answer: Because if the result of what you were doing was good, then you wouldn’t actually be doing evil.

After asserting that “a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law”, Paul asks: Do we, then, nullify the law by this faith? (Paul’s answer: Not at all!) Real answer: You never explain how that’s not the case, so I’m gonna say yeah, you are trying to nullify the law.

Paul asks: We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Answer: Because Jesus failed to actually put an end to it.

He asks: Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey? Answer: Offer yourselves? I don’t think that’s usually how slavery works.

Paul asks: Do you not know that the law has authority over someone only as long as that person lives? Answer: Yeah, that goes without saying. It’s impossible to break the law when you’re dead. But that doesn’t follow from the “example” you give, nor does it actually support the point you’re trying to make.

He asks: What shall we say, then? Is the law sinful? (Paul’s answer: Certainly not!) Real answer: You say the law caused sin that never would have existed without the law, so yeah, that sounds right. God’s law is sinful.

And he asks: Did that which is good, then, become death to me? (Paul’s answer: By no means!) Real answer: Yes, according to what you just said, it did. (I mean, if you want to call it “good”.)

Paul asks: Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? Answer: I’ll do it, if no one else wants to.

He asks: Who then is the one who condemns? (Paul’s answer: No one.) Alternative biblical answer: God, Moses, Jesus, his disciples, Christians, thousands of “holy ones“, and whoever else has been given authority to judge.

After saying what something says, Paul asks: But what does it say? Answer: It says what you just said it says, doesn’t it? Or were you lying?

Paul asks: How can they call on the one they have not believed in? Answer: Lip service?

He asks: And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? Answer: Sensus divinitatis?

Then he asks: And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? Answer: By hearing something that isn’t someone preaching to them? Or by overhearing preachers who aren’t talking to them?

And he asks: And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? Answer: By making their own decisions?

Paul asks: Why do you judge your brother or sister? Answer: What do you expect me to do, leave that to God? He’s obviously completely unqualified as a judge of morality.

Questions about God

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Should people own slaves?

No, don’t enslave anyone.

God commanded the Israelites to remember how they had been treated as foreigners in Egypt, and therefore not mistreat or oppress foreigners themselves.

According to Isaiah, what God really wants people to do is “to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke”.

Paul thinks it’s good for slaves to become free, though he doesn’t think it’s a big deal if they don’t get freed. He and Peter both think that it’s not good to become slaves of human beings. They say we should live as free people, but only because they think we should be slaves of God instead. Paul also thinks you should not let yourself be a slave to the Jewish Law, but that’s not really about people enslaving people. And that’s about it for anti-slavery sentiments in the Bible.

You can enslave foreigners, but not Israelites.

God’s law says not to make your fellow Israelites work as slaves. (Though he does say you can buy Israelites and make them work for you until it’s time to free them. So I’m not sure how that’s supposed to be “not treating them as slaves”.) If you want real slaves, God says you can buy people from other nations and make them your property permanently. Just don’t treat Israelites that way. You can’t just kidnap Israelites and make them slaves; you have to get your slaves the proper way.

After Judah split off from Israel, and then the Israelites took hundreds of thousands of captives from the kingdom of Judah, a prophet made it clear that God was angry at them for enslaving their fellow Israelites, even if those weren’t technically Israelites anymore.

Later, the people of Jerusalem had a bunch of Hebrew slaves for some reason, but the king of Judah told them to free them, so they did. But then they all changed their minds and took their Hebrew slaves back. God approved when they freed their Hebrew slaves, and disapproved when they took them back.1

Yes, you can enslave people.

God is a master of slaves, and he expects people to respect him for that. God bought a whole nation of people. And when people become Christians, they become slaves of God (or of Jesus), and should live as God’s slaves. All Jews and Christians have been bought by God. This slave-owning God is perfect, and everything he does is right, so we should follow his example.

When Sarah’s slave Hagar ran away because she mistreated her, an angel of God told Hagar to go back and submit to Sarah.

Sarah’s husband Abraham, who obeyed God and kept his commands and did everything God required, acquired slaves too.

God’s law prescribes slavery as a punishment for poor people who steal. God also commanded his people to conquer a bunch of cities outside the promised land: He wanted them to either enslave all the people of a city if those people wanted peace, or massacre them if they didn’t like God’s “peace” offer. (Cities inside the promised land didn’t get a “peace” option.)

God told the prophet Joel that he was going to sell some foreigners to the people of Judah, who would sell them to some other foreigners. God wants these people to be slaves.

Paul thinks the descendants of a slave should be slaves. Or something. He’s actually using the descendants of a slave as a metaphor for the descendants of her master, for some reason. But either way, he thinks people should be slaves.

Paul thinks slaves should sincerely respect and fear and obey their masters as if their masters were God, because God wants slaves to obey their masters. Paul thinks if Christian slaves didn’t respect their masters, that would be a reason for people to think poorly of Christianity. Slaves should instead be subject to their masters in everything, always try to please them, and never talk back. Because Paul thinks that will make Christianity look good.

Peter agrees. Even when he’s just gotten though saying that we should live as free people, Peter commands all Christian slaves to reverently submit to their masters, even if they’re not good masters, because this is what God wants. The Bible approves of slavery no matter how the slaves are treated.

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The Bible’s questions, answered—part 17: Answers to questions in Luke and Acts

The Bible contains a lot of questions, and it doesn’t always provide satisfactory answers. So I’ve been answering some of the Bible’s questions myself. This time, I’m looking at questions from the books of Luke and Acts.

When an angel tells a priest named Zechariah that he and his wife are going to have a child in their old age, Zechariah asks: How can I be sure of this? Answer: You can wait and see if it happens, and if it does, then you can be sure that it was going to happen. (Seriously, that’s how God says you should test prophecies. Which is nice and empirical and all, but it also means that by the time you know whether a prophecy is real, now it’s too late for it to usefully function as a prediction.)

When an angel tells Mary that she’s going to have a child too, Mary asks: How will this be, since I am a virgin? Answer: Um, you could always stop being one.

John the Baptist asks the crowds who come to him: Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Answer: You?

Martha asks Jesus: Don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Answer: No, he doesn’t care.

In one of Jesus’s parables, God tells a rich man he’s about to die, and asks him: Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself? Answer: Depends on what his will says, I suppose.

Someone asks Jesus: Are only a few people going to be saved? (Jesus’s answer: Yes, only a few people.) Alternative biblical answer, also from Jesus: No, many people.

When they hear Jesus say it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone rich to enter the kingdom of God, people ask: Who then can be saved? Answer: People who are handed over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh. And people who force others to torture them. And people who are good, but let everyone think they’re evil. And childish people. And people who criticize Jesus. And tax collectors and prostitutes. And whoever else God arbitrarily decides to save, regardless of whether they’re good or bad. And also anyone the apostles decide to forgive.

Some angels ask the women who have come to visit Jesus’s tomb: Why do you look for the living among the dead? Answer: Because they don’t know he’s living. Why would they? Even if they were to take Jesus’s prediction of his resurrection into account, there is no reason for them to expect him to be alive. It hasn’t been three days yet.

Some angels ask the apostles: Why do you stand here looking into the sky? Answer: Because they just saw somebody fly.

Some Christians quote David asking: Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? Their answer: Because God wants them to rage and plot in vain.

Stephen asks the Jews: Was there ever a prophet your ancestors did not persecute? (Implied answer: No.) Real answer: Yes.

Barnabas and Paul ask the people of Lystra who are trying to offer sacrifices to them: Why are you doing this? Answer: Because they think you’re gods.

Some Greeks ask Paul: May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? Answer: Yes.

A city clerk asks his fellow Ephesians: Doesn’t all the world know that the city of Ephesus is the guardian of the temple of the great Artemis and of her image, which fell from heaven? Answer: No. All the world does not know.

Paul asks his friends in Caesarea: Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? Answer: To stop you from doing what God apparently doesn’t want you to do.

The original Christian church asks: What shall we do? Answer: Trick Paul into getting arrested.

Paul asks: Why should any of you consider it incredible that God raises the dead? Answer: Because we never see that happen?

The Jews’ questions

When Zechariah and his wife have a son and name him John, everyone who hears about the mildly miraculous events surrounding John’s birth asks: What then is this child going to be? Answer: A baptist.

An expert in the law asks: Who is my neighbor? (Jesus’s answer: Your neighbor is whoever treats you well. So you don’t need to love people who don’t do good things for you.) Real answer: Your neighbor is whoever lives near you.

Spies sent by the Jewish religious leaders ask: Is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not? Answer: You don’t have a choice, do you? So there’s no point in asking this. You should be asking if it’s right for Caesar to tax you.

The Jewish religious leaders ask: Why do we need any more testimony? We have heard it from his own lips. Answer: Because Jesus hasn’t actually confessed to anything. And because you haven’t even accused him of anything that’s against the Roman law, only of things that are against the Jewish law, which can’t be enforced in this jurisdiction.

The high priest asks Stephen: Are these charges against you true? Answer: According to the previous chapter, they’re not. But Stephen is too stupid to point that out, and decides to get himself in more trouble instead.

The apostles’ questions

Some of Jesus’s disciples ask him: Do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy these Samaritans who don’t welcome us? Answer: No, he’d rather do it himself.

When Jesus talks about some people being taken while others are left behind during some future rapture-like event, his disciples ask: Where will they be taken? (A common Christian answer: To heaven.) Biblical answer: To hell.

The apostles ask Jesus: Are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel? Answer: No.

After restoring a man’s ability to walk, Peter asks the onlookers: Why does this surprise you? Answer: Because paralyzed people normally don’t suddenly start jumping around.

Peter asks them: Why do you stare at us as if by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk? Answer: Because that’s the same way they’d stare at you if they thought you’d done it any other way.

Peter asks one of his fellow Christians: Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Answer: He did not lie to anyone. And he kept some of his money because it was his money and he can do what he wants with it.

Peter asks Ananias: Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? Answer: Exactly. But Peter doesn’t even realize that he’s answering his own stupid question.

Peter asks Ananias’s wife: Is this the price you and Ananias got for the land? Answer: None of your business.

Peter asks her: How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Answer: They didn’t, but if they had, that wouldn’t be a problem either. God wants to be tested.

When Philip asks an Ethiopian eunuch if he understands the scriptures he’s reading, the eunuch asks: How can I, unless someone explains it to me? Answer: The same way the person explaining it can?

Peter asks some Gentiles in Caesarea: May I ask why you sent for me? Answer: Yes.

Peter asks the other apostles: Why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of Gentiles a yoke that neither we nor our ancestors have been able to bear? Answer: Promoting God’s laws is not “testing God”. God said he wanted people to obey his laws. And when he told Peter that the Gentiles could be saved, God never said they didn’t have to obey him. Why would God inspire a non-Jewish king to kill his subjects for breaking God’s laws, if God didn’t want Gentiles to obey his laws?

Jesus’s questions

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Should people rejoice at the misfortune of others?

No.

Job, the most blameless and upright person on earth, said that if he had ever rejoiced over his enemy’s misfortune or gloated over his enemy’s trouble (which he hadn’t), then he would deserve to have his crops replaced with briers and stinkweed.

David, a man after God’s own heart, wished that everyone who gloated over his distress would be put to shame and confusion.

Solomon, who was wiser than anyone else ever, said that whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished. Even if you want to see bad things happen to your enemies, he says you shouldn’t let your heart rejoice and gloat when they stumble and fall, because then God will disapprove of your attitude and will stop doing bad things to your enemies.

God had Ezekiel tell the Ammonites and the Edomites that because they rejoiced when Israel became desolate, God was going to bring other nations to wipe out the Ammonites and make Edom desolate. And God had Obadiah tell the Edomites that they should not gloat or rejoice over the misfortune and destruction of Judah.

Yes.

The Bible says rejoicing over the misfortune of others is what righteous people do. The righteous see the ruin of the wicked and rejoice, and the innocent mock their foes when they are destroyed. David said the righteous would laugh at Doeg when God killed him. And he said the righteous will be glad when they are rewarded by getting to dip their feet in the blood of the wicked.

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The Parable of the Fishermen

Some fishermen caught a bunch of fish in a lake. Some of the fish weren’t any good, so the fishermen threw them away, and they put the good ones in baskets.

The end.

The moral of the story

If you’re a fish, don’t be a good one. Good fish that get caught have no hope. Only the bad ones have a chance of surviving by being thrown back into the lake.

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Tabernacle plans

The tabernacle, according to the Bible, was a sort of temporary makeshift version of a temple, which the Israelites used for a few centuries, before and after settling in the promised land.

Have you ever tried to make sense of the Bible’s descriptions of the tabernacle? I gave it a try, and now I don’t think it’s possible to make sense of it. The Bible does not do a good job of describing the tabernacle. At all.

The tabernacle is also known as the tent of meeting. But it says they also made a tent to go over the tabernacle. So that’s a tent for a tent. Why does a tent need to have a tent over it?

It says the tabernacle has a courtyard. I’m pretty sure a courtyard is an open-air area surrounded by a building. But this “courtyard” is actually way bigger than the tabernacle, with the courtyard surrounding the tabernacle instead of the other way around. Which makes it just a yard, not a courtyard.

There are a bunch of upright frames, each 1.5 cubits by 10 cubits. These seem to be the main thing that forms the main structure of the main part of the tabernacle. The total length of the tabernacle is 20 frames long, and then the shorter rear wall / west side / far end is six frames plus two more frames on the corners. It says those two corner frames “must be double“, but I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean. As a result, I don’t know how wide the tabernacle is supposed to be.

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Were there plants when Adam was created?

Genesis 1 says God made the land produce vegetation, and so the land produced plants and trees, on the third day. Then God made mankind, and gave them all the plants and trees on earth as a source of food, on the sixth day.

But Genesis 2 says God formed the first man when “no shrub had yet appeared on the earth and no plant had yet sprung up“.

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Is anything deprived of the warmth of the sun?

David says the sun runs its course from one end of the heavens to the other, and nothing is deprived of its warmth. And Jesus says God causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good alike.

But Job, who speaks the truth about God, says God speaks to the sun and it does not shine. So everything must be deprived of the warmth of the sun when he does that. And when God speaks to Job later, he says the wicked are denied light.

David, contradicting his own previous claim, acknowledges that a stillborn child never sees the sun. And his son Solomon mentions the same thing.

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