Tag Archives: death

The Story of the Resurrection of Lazarus—
A Friend Who Stinks

Bible stories, , , , , , ,

Jesus heard that his friend Lazarus was very sick. If Jesus had gone to help him, Lazarus wouldn’t have died. But God had made Lazarus sick, just to give Jesus a chance to show off. So Jesus chose to stay where he was and let him die.

Then four days after Lazarus died, Jesus finally went to the hometown of Lazarus, whose sisters were mourning. Jesus went to the tomb and told Lazarus to come out, and he did. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t still sick.1

Continue reading The Story of the Resurrection of Lazarus—
A Friend Who Stinks →
Share this post:

How long was Jesus dead?

Contradictions, , ,

Three days and three nights

Before Jesus died, he told his disciples he would be in the heart of the earth for three days and three nights. He said he would rise again after three days. In other words, he would rise three days later, and he would raise his body again in three days.

Other times, he told his disciples he would be raised to life “on the third day“. That’s a rather ambiguous way to say it. It’s not really clear which day he’s counting from as the first day here. But let’s just assume he meant the same thing as when he said it more precisely.

The day Jesus came back to life, some disciples mentioned that it was the third day since Jesus had been crucified. And then when Jesus appeared to some other disciples, he claimed that the scriptures said the Messiah would rise from the dead on the third day. And Peter and Paul both later stated that Jesus was raised from the dead on the third day. So that’s what Jesus and his followers said, but what does the Bible say actually happened?

Two days and two nights

The gospels disagree with each other on most of the details of the resurrection story. But one thing they all agree on is that Jesus was not dead for three days and three nights. The gospels say Jesus died in the afternoon on Preparation Day, the day before the Sabbath. By the time the women went to visit his tomb around sunrise on the first day of the week, after the Sabbath, Jesus had risen.

Preparation day starting in the afternoon + night + the Sabbath day (the seventh day of the week) + one more night before Jesus rises early on the first day of the week = less than two days and two nights.

Continue reading How long was Jesus dead? →
Share this post:

Will everyone die?

Contradictions, ,

Yes.

God says humans are mortal. When Joshua was very old and about to die, he said he was about to go the way of all the earth. Because dying is what everyone on earth does. Solomon says all come from dust and all return to dust, because death is the destiny of everyone. People are destined to die. Isaiah says all people are like grass that withers.

The Bible says all people are subject to death, because all people have sinned. No matter how rich you might be, no payment can ever be enough to redeem your life so that you can live forever. Isaiah suggests that even in the afterlife, people will still die. It will just take longer before they do.

Zephaniah says not only is everyone mortal, but one day everyone is going to die at the same time and leave no one alive! God is going to sweep away everything from the face of the earth, destroying all mankind. The whole earth will be consumed with fire, and God will make a sudden end of all who live on the earth.

No.

Continue reading Will everyone die? →
Share this post:

The Story of the Exile of Israel and Judah—
The End of the Independent Hebrew Kingdoms

Bible stories, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Where the Samaritans came from, according to the Jews

Jotham’s son Ahaz was an evil king of Judah, so God sent the kings of Israel and Aram to fight against him and defeat him after God had promised they wouldn’t defeat him.2 After God predicted Assyria would destroy Judah, Ahaz got the king of Assyria to instead help him attack Israel, by giving him all the gold and silver from the temple of God.

Hoshea, the next king of Israel, was an evil traitor. When the king of Assyria found that out, he took Hoshea prisoner and conquered his country, putting an end to the kingdom of Israel. The people of Israel were exiled to Assyria, becoming the Ten Lost Tribes. The king of Assyria sent foreign pagans to settle in the former land of Israel, becoming Samaritans.

How Hezekiah used the gift of success

Ahaz’s son Hezekiah was the most righteous king Judah ever had. So God made him successful at everything. Hezekiah successfully convinced God to let his people break God’s law by celebrating the Passover in any way they wanted.

He successfully rebelled against the king of Assyria, so God told the king of Assyria to destroy Judah. But righteous Hezekiah kept the king of Assyria from conquering Judah by giving him all the gold and silver from the temple of God (which his father had already given to the king of Assyria). After Hezekiah successfully convinced the king of Assyria not to conquer Judah, the king of Assyria continued to try to conquer Judah, as God had commanded him, until God got him killed.

Hezekiah got sick, and God sent a prophet to tell him that he would never recover. But Hezekiah successfully convinced the never-changing God to change his mind, and so he recovered anyway.

Men from Babylon came to visit Hezekiah, and he showed them all the treasure and stuff he owned. The prophet told Hezekiah that now that the Babylonians knew about all that treasure, they were going to steal it all some day. And they would kidnap and castrate some of Hezekiah’s descendants. Righteous Hezekiah said he didn’t mind that, since he wouldn’t be around when it happened.

Continue reading The Story of the Exile of Israel and Judah—
The End of the Independent Hebrew Kingdoms →
Share this post:

The Story of the Evil Kings of Judah—
David's Dynasty Starts to Approach Hitler Levels of Evil

Bible stories, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Rehoboam, the first king of Judah, was evil. He and his cousin Maakah had a son named Abijah, who succeeded him as king and was also evil. With God’s help, Abijah killed half a million Israelites.3

The next king of Judah was Abijah’s son Asa, and he always did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. Asa brutally oppressed his own people, led them to steal building materials from the king of Israel, and imprisoned people when they criticized him. He took money from God’s treasury and used it to pay the king of Aram to fight against God’s people Israel. God was displeased with this, because he had wanted to fight against Israel himself. So then Asa developed a severe foot disease, and he died two years later.

Continue reading The Story of the Evil Kings of Judah—
David’s Dynasty Starts to Approach Hitler Levels of Evil →
Share this post:

The Story of Elisha and the Mean Boys—
God Rescues His Servant From Persecution

Bible stories, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The life of Elijah the prophet ended when God took him up to heaven in a whirlwind. He was succeeded by his servant Elisha, who gained the ability to do miracles like Elijah had done. As Elisha was walking along, a bunch of boys saw him and started making fun of him because he was bald. This bothered Elisha, so he stopped to put a curse on them. Then God sent two bears out of the woods to maul the mean little boys, so the bald prophet could continue on his way without anyone reminding him that he was bald.

The end.

The moral of the story

Continue reading The Story of Elisha and the Mean Boys—
God Rescues His Servant From Persecution →
Share this post:

The Story of Ahab and Micaiah—
God Admits to Inspiring False Prophecy

Bible stories, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

God decided to get King Ahab killed by sending him to war with Aram. He sent a spirit to deceive Ahab’s prophets so they would give him bad advice. Evil Ahab was considering retaking some territory that he had lost to Aram. But his ally, Jehoshaphat the good king of Judah, convinced him to seek advice from God first.

Ahab’s 400 prophets, under the influence of the deceiving spirit from God, told him that he should go fight Aram, and he would be successful. But there was one prophet, Micaiah, who had always prophesied bad things about Ahab, so Ahab hadn’t consulted him this time. But Jehoshaphat said he should.

Continue reading The Story of Ahab and Micaiah—
God Admits to Inspiring False Prophecy →
Share this post:

The Story of Rehoboam and Jeroboam—
The Kingdom Splits in Two

Bible stories, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

God wanted to punish King Solomon for worshiping other gods. But he liked Solomon’s dead father too much to do that. So he decided to wait until Solomon was dead and punish his son instead.

A prophet announced that God was going to let most of Israel be taken over by Jeroboam, one of Solomon’s officials. Solomon wisely attempted to hinder God’s plan by killing Jeroboam. But before he could, Jeroboam fled to Egypt, where he waited for Solomon to die. Solomon was succeeded by his son Rehoboam.

The people of Israel told Rehoboam they would serve him, but only if he didn’t make them work as hard as his father had. Rehoboam wasn’t sure how to answer them, so he asked for advice. The elders he asked said he should give the people what they wanted. But the young men he asked said he should make the people work even harder. While torturing them with scorpions.

To punish Rehoboam for what his dead father had done, God made Rehoboam decide to follow the bad advice of the young men. This caused most of the Israelites to turn against him. Israel made Jeroboam their king instead of Rehoboam, but the tribes of Judah and Benjamin seceded from Israel. They became the kingdom of Judah, and kept Rehoboam as their king.

Continue reading The Story of Rehoboam and Jeroboam—
The Kingdom Splits in Two →
Share this post:

The Story of King Solomon—
The Wisest Man in the World

Bible stories, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When King David was old, he had trouble staying warm. His attendants solved that problem by finding a hot girl to lie next to him in bed. Her name was Abishag, but he didn’t shag her. One day, David’s wife Bathsheba came to his room with a complaint.

She said David had promised that her son Solomon would be the next king. But now another son of David, Adonijah, had made himself king. Then David had Bathsheba come to his room, and he declared Solomon to be the new king of Israel.

When Adonijah heard about that, he was afraid Solomon would kill him. Solomon decided not to kill his brother for trying to become king. But then when Adonijah tried to marry Abishag, Solomon did kill him, because he thought that meant Adonijah was trying to become king. After David died, Solomon also killed a man David had sworn would not be killed, because Solomon was a wise man.

One night, after Solomon sacrificed at an unauthorized altar, God offered to give him anything he wanted. Solomon asked for wisdom, because he was young and inexperienced and ignorant and didn’t know right from wrong. God was so pleased that Solomon hadn’t asked for money that he made Solomon the richest king of all time, and he also made him the wisest person of all time. Solomon later asked God to let him live as long as the sun and moon endured. But apparently God didn’t like that request as much.

After he became wise, Solomon suggested cutting a baby in half. Then he wisely decided not to let the baby be raised by a prostitute who thought his idea was a good one. (He gave the baby to a different prostitute instead.)

King Solomon ruled over many other kingdoms in addition to Israel. During his reign there was peace for Israel, except when there wasn’t. He wrote thousands of songs4 and proverbs, and studied plants and animals. People came from all over the world to hear his wisdom. But wisdom was beyond him.

Continue reading The Story of King Solomon—
The Wisest Man in the World →
Share this post:

The Story of David’s Census—
Morning by Morning He Dispenses With Justice

Bible stories, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

God was feeling angry at his people, and needed an excuse to punish them. So he told David to take a census of Israel.5 David’s commander Joab thought God’s idea was repulsive for some reason, but he helped David count the Israelites anyway.

After taking the census, David decided that Joab was right, that what he had done was foolish and sinful, and God agreed. God sent a prophet to ask David how he would like to be punished for obeying God. David didn’t fear God as much as he feared men, so he said he would prefer God to punish him himself, rather than sending David’s enemies to punish him.

Continue reading The Story of David’s Census—
Morning by Morning He Dispenses With Justice →
Share this post: