Tag Archives: obedience

The Story of Queen Esther—
A Leisurely-Delivered Urgent Message

December 25, 2024Bible storiesarguing, betrayal, discrimination, divorce, evil, execution, failure, false accusation, family, food, foolishness, genocide, hypocrisy, injustice, jews, marriage, massacres, mistakes, misunderstanding, moral influences, murder, nudity, obedience, overreaction, pointlessness, polygamy, punishment, rebellion, reputation, rescue, revenge, reward, scapegoating, self-defeating, selfishness, wealth, wisdomR. A. Absalom

An ineffective feminist, a beauty queen, and a genocidal anti-Semite

Xerxes king of Persia (the grandson of Cyrus) held a banquet. He showed off his vast wealth to his nobles and officials and subjects there. He wanted to show off his beautiful wife Vashti too, but she refused to come. The king consulted seven wise men, and they said he should divorce Vashti. That way, all the women in his kingdom wouldn’t think they could get away with disobeying their husbands. So he divorced her.

Now the king needed to find a new wife. So he had lots of beautiful young women from all over the kingdom brought into his harem, so he could try them out. After four years of this, the king found that a girl named Esther was the most attractive. And he made her his new queen.

King Xerxes’ top official was Haman, a descendant of Agag the Amalekite and enemy of the Jews. The king commanded everyone to kneel before Haman, but Esther’s cousin, Mordecai the Jew, refused to do so. This made Haman very angry. So he convinced the king to have all the Jews in the kingdom killed at the end of the year. The king was happy to issue this decree. (He didn’t realize that his wife Esther was Jewish, since she had never told him.)

Esther tries to waste her opportunities

When Mordecai heard about what was happening, he told Esther she should talk to her husband about it. But Esther said no one was allowed to approach the king without being summoned. Anyone who did was usually killed. And the king hadn’t called for her in a month. But Mordecai said if Esther didn’t go to the king, she would be killed anyway, because she was Jewish. So Esther decided to go ask the king for help.

The king was happy to see his beautiful wife, and decided not to kill her for entering his presence. He asked her what she wanted. But instead of telling him, she asked him and Haman to attend a banquet with her. At the banquet, the king asked Esther what she wanted again. But instead of telling him, she asked him and Haman to attend another banquet with her the next day.

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The Story of Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and Daniel—
Daniel in the Lions' Den

November 26, 2024Bible storiesangels, animals, babylon, daniel, destruction, execution, failure, fire, foolishness, fraud, god, hypocrisy, idols, imprisonment, injustice, jehoiakim, jews, kidnapping, law, massacres, mind control, mind reading, miracles, mistakes, mountains, murder, nebuchadnezzar, obedience, overreaction, pointlessness, prayer, prophecy, punishment, rebellion, rescue, reward, scapegoating, self-defeating, temple, trees, wisdomR. A. Absalom

Fake fortune tellers exposed

After Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon captured Jehoiakim (the third-to-last king of Judah), the four smartest aristocratic young men in Judah were brought to Babylon to be Nebuchadnezzar’s advisers. Their names were Hananiah, Mishael, Azariah, and Daniel, but king Nebuchadnezzar renamed them Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and Belteshazzar. (Apparently one of those new names wasn’t so catchy.)

Nebuchadnezzar had a troubling dream about a big statue being smashed by a rock, which then became a huge mountain. He decided to see if his magicians could tell him what it meant. To make sure they were really capable of interpreting it, instead of telling them what he had dreamed about, he demanded that they tell him first. The magicians said that was impossible; only a god could do that. Since they couldn’t read his mind, the king decided to have all the wise men in Babylon killed for being frauds.

But the king’s wise adviser Daniel said that wouldn’t be necessary, because his God could help him do what the king demanded. Daniel described the dream and said it was a prediction about the kingdoms that would come after Nebuchadnezzar’s. The king was very impressed, and he promoted Daniel and his friends to high positions.

Daniel obeys the king

After he had a dream about a huge statue, Nebuchadnezzar decided to make a huge statue. He decreed that everyone had to worship the statue or die. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused to worship it, so the king had them tied up and thrown into a furnace. Daniel didn’t get thrown into the furnace, so apparently he was willing to worship the king’s idol.

God sent an angel to protect Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and they came out of the furnace unharmed. The king was very impressed, and he promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to high positions.

God continues to communicate badly

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The Story of Queen Athaliah—
Seven Year Bitch

August 4, 2024Bible storiesahaziah, athaliah, evil, failure, family, god, idols, israelites, jehu, joash, joram, massacres, moral influences, murder, nudity, obedience, overreaction, priests, rebellion, reputation, rescueR. A. Absalom

God told a man named Jehu to murder Ahab’s son Joram so Jehu could replace him as king of Israel. So Jehu murdered Joram and his whole family. God was pleased. Ahaziah king of Judah was visiting Joram at the time, so Jehu also murdered Ahaziah and 42 of his relatives. Then Jehu murdered all the Israelites who worshipped Baal.

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The Story of Jonah and the Fish—
It was This Big!

June 9, 2024Bible storiesanimals, coercion, deception, destruction, disasters, emotion, escape, evil, failure, fasting, foolishness, gentiles, god, injustice, judgment, miracles, moral influences, morality, murder, obedience, pointlessness, prayer, prophecy, punishment, rescue, sacrifice, self-defeating, ships, torture, weatherR. A. Absalom

God told a prophet named Jonah to go to the Assyrian city of Nineveh and announce that it would be destroyed soon. But Jonah knew God well enough to know that he wouldn’t actually do what he said he would do. Jonah didn’t think it would be right to deliver a false prophecy, so he ran away from God and hid on a ship that was going somewhere else.¹

But God sent a storm, which nearly wrecked the ship. The sailors found out that Jonah had angered his God and brought a storm on their ship. So Jonah suggested they throw him overboard, to divert God’s wrath away from the ship. But the sailors didn’t want to kill him. They tried to sail back and return him to land, so he could resume his mission.

But God liked Jonah’s idea better, so he made the storm worse and prevented them from getting back to land. So the sailors reluctantly threw Jonah overboard, and the storm stopped. God sent a huge fish, which swallowed Jonah and then threw him up on land three days later.

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The Story of the Two Prophets—
An Expensive Meal

April 16, 2024Bible storiesanimals, betrayal, deception, failure, faith, fasting, food, god, injustice, jeroboam, mistakes, moral influences, murder, obedience, overreaction, pointlessness, prophecy, punishment, testsR. A. Absalom

During the reign of Jeroboam, God sent a prophet to deliver a message to the king. After ignoring the prophecy, the king invited the prophet to his home for a meal. But the prophet refused Jeroboam’s offer, because God had told him not to eat or drink until he got back to his own home.

On the way home, the prophet met an old prophet. The old prophet also invited him to have a meal, and the younger prophet explained again that he had to wait till he got home to eat. But the old prophet lied and told him that God wanted him to eat and drink with him. So the younger prophet went to the old prophet’s house and ate and drank. Then the old prophet declared that the younger prophet had disobeyed God and would be punished. The younger prophet tried to go home, but God sent a lion after him, and it killed him.

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The Story of Rehoboam and Jeroboam—
The Kingdom Splits in Two

January 6, 2024Bible storiesbaasha, betrayal, death, escape, evil, failure, foolishness, god, idols, injustice, israelites, jeroboam, jews, massacres, mind control, murder, obedience, prophecy, punishment, rebellion, rehoboam, reputation, scapegoating, self-defeating, slavery, solomon, suicide, temple, torture, wisdom, workR. A. Absalom

God wanted to punish King Solomon for worshiping other gods. But he liked Solomon’s dead father too much to do that. So he decided to wait until Solomon was dead and punish his son instead.

A prophet announced that God was going to let most of Israel be taken over by Jeroboam, one of Solomon’s officials. Solomon wisely attempted to hinder God’s plan by killing Jeroboam. But before he could, Jeroboam fled to Egypt, where he waited for Solomon to die. Solomon was succeeded by his son Rehoboam.

The people of Israel told Rehoboam they would serve him, but only if he didn’t make them work as hard as his father had. Rehoboam wasn’t sure how to answer them, so he asked for advice. The elders he asked said he should give the people what they wanted. But the young men he asked said he should make the people work even harder. While torturing them with scorpions.

To punish Rehoboam for what his dead father had done, God made Rehoboam decide to follow the bad advice of the young men. This caused most of the Israelites to turn against him. Israel made Jeroboam their king instead of Rehoboam, but the tribes of Judah and Benjamin seceded from Israel. They became the kingdom of Judah, and kept Rehoboam as their king.

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The Story of David’s Census—
Morning by Morning He Dispenses With Justice

November 28, 2023Bible storiesdavid, death, disasters, emotion, evil, foolishness, god, illness, injustice, israelites, joab, judgment, massacres, money, moral influences, numbers, obedience, overreaction, pointlessness, punishment, sacrifice, scapegoatingR. A. Absalom

God was feeling angry at his people, and needed an excuse to punish them. So he told David to take a census of Israel.² David’s commander Joab thought God’s idea was repulsive for some reason, but he helped David count the Israelites anyway.

After taking the census, David decided that Joab was right, that what he had done was foolish and sinful, and God agreed. God sent a prophet to ask David how he would like to be punished for obeying God. David didn’t fear God as much as he feared men, so he said he would prefer God to punish him himself, rather than sending David’s enemies to punish him.

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The Story of King Ish-Bosheth—
The One Where Nearly Everybody Gets Killed, But It's Not God's Doing for a Change

April 16, 2023Bible storiesbetrayal, buildings, curses, david, death, evil, execution, failure, false accusation, family, fighting, foolishness, infidelity, ingratitude, injustice, insults, israelites, jealousy, joab, judgment, marriage, mistakes, misunderstanding, moral influences, murder, obedience, overreaction, pointlessness, polygamy, poverty, punishment, rebellion, revenge, saul, scapegoating, spying, theft, warR. A. Absalom

After Saul and his whole family died, his dead son Ish-Bosheth succeeded him as king of Israel. But David was made king of the tribe of Judah. The commander of the army of Israel was Saul’s cousin Abner, and the commander of the army of Judah was David’s nephew Joab.

These commanders thought it would be fun to see some men stab each other to death. So they made two dozen of their soldiers stab each other to death. But Joab’s brother Asahel didn’t like that, so he chased Abner. Abner didn’t like that, so he stabbed Asahel to death. Joab didn’t like that, so he chased Abner, too. But then Abner suggested not chasing him. So Joab stopped chasing him.

King Ish-Bosheth offended his commander Abner by accusing him of sleeping with Saul’s girlfriend. So Abner decided to desert Ish-Bosheth and help David take over Israel. When Abner offered to help David become king of all Israel, David agreed to let him do that… but only if he did David a favor first.

By this time David had married at least four women. But Saul had taken back his daughter Michal, David’s first wife, and given her to somebody else. David had Abner steal Michal back for him and make her other husband go away. After doing that, Abner went off to convince the Israelites to make David their king.

But David’s commander Joab didn’t like Abner, who had killed Joab’s brother. Joab thought Abner must have only come there to spy on David for Ish-Bosheth. So Joab found Abner and stabbed him to death. David didn’t like that (even though he had previously declared that Abner must die). So David put a curse on Joab’s family, and later had his son kill Joab.

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The Story of the Priests of Nob—
David Gets Away with Lying, Sacrilege, and Reckless Endangerment

December 12, 2022Bible storiesanimals, betrayal, david, deception, escape, food, foolishness, injustice, massacres, mistakes, obedience, overreaction, philistines, priests, punishment, safety, saul, scapegoating, secrets, selfishnessR. A. Absalom

David went to Nob with his companions, whoever they were. Ahimelek the priest wanted to know why David had come there alone, and David claimed that Saul had sent him on a secret mission.

The priest gave David some bread that only priests were allowed to eat, and he ate it. David knew that Saul’s servant Doeg would tell Saul that the priests of Nob had helped David. So he ran away to the land of the Philistines, and left the priests to their fate.

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The Story of the Rejection of Saul—
Not Evil Enough to Please God

September 21, 2022Bible storiesanimals, david, deception, demons, evil, failure, false accusation, foolishness, genocide, god, hypocrisy, ingratitude, injustice, israelites, judgment, mistakes, murder, music, obedience, overreaction, philistines, pointlessness, punishment, sacrifice, samuel, saul, scapegoating, warR. A. Absalom

King Saul attacked his enemies, the Philistines, but the Israelite army was outnumbered and had almost no weapons, so they ran and hid. Saul tried making a burnt offering so God would help him. But then Samuel told him that was a foolish thing to do, and now God had rejected Saul and would have to find a new king for his people.

Later, Samuel told King Saul that God wanted him to break God’s law and kill all the people and animals in the city of Amalek for the sins of their ancestors. So Saul ambushed the city and killed all the people except the king of the Amalekites,³ and all the animals except the best ones, which his men were planning to sacrifice to God later. Then God realized that he had made a bad decision when he made Saul king. Because Saul had failed to kill everyone and everything immediately,⁴ God rejected Saul as king of his people. Again.

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Reductio Ad Absalom

For the message of the cross is foolishness.

Tag Archives: obedience

The Story of Queen Esther—
A Leisurely-Delivered Urgent Message

An ineffective feminist, a beauty queen, and a genocidal anti-Semite

Esther tries to waste her opportunities

The Story of Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and Daniel—
Daniel in the Lions' Den

Fake fortune tellers exposed

Daniel obeys the king

God continues to communicate badly

The Story of Queen Athaliah—
Seven Year Bitch

The Story of Jonah and the Fish—
It was This Big!

The Story of the Two Prophets—
An Expensive Meal

The Story of Rehoboam and Jeroboam—
The Kingdom Splits in Two

The Story of David’s Census—
Morning by Morning He Dispenses With Justice

The Story of King Ish-Bosheth—
The One Where Nearly Everybody Gets Killed, But It's Not God's Doing for a Change

The Story of the Priests of Nob—
David Gets Away with Lying, Sacrilege, and Reckless Endangerment

The Story of the Rejection of Saul—
Not Evil Enough to Please God