According to the Bible, when God brought the people of Israel into what would become the land of Israel, there were other nations already living there, so God had to get them out of the way. He thought those nations were terribly wicked, so he drove them out and destroyed them. Except he didn’t get rid of them completely. He let some nations survive and continue to live in the land among the Israelites. Why did he decide to do that? The Bible gives four reasons, but they can’t all be true…Continue reading Why did God leave some nations among Israel?
Jacob’s son Judah had three sons: Er, Onan, and Shelah. God killed Er because he thought he was wicked, so Judah told Onan to have children with Er’s widow, Tamar. But if Onan had children with Tamar, they wouldn’t be considered Onan’s children for some reason. So he refused to do it. God thought it was wicked to not impregnate your brother’s wife, so he killed Onan too. Tamar wanted to have children, but Judah wouldn’t let her marry his last son, Shelah.Continue reading The Story of Judah and Tamar—
Somebody Get Me Pregnant Already
The Bible says we should follow God’s example. That makes sense, because God is perfect, and everything he does is right. God is love, and we should walk in the way of love. We should be holy as God is holy, and perfect as he is perfect. We should speak the way God would speak. We should think like Jesus and follow his ways.
Paul taught his followers to transform themselves and become like God, because God wants his people to become like him. Paul followed Jesus’s example, and we should follow Paul’s example, so that we end up following Jesus’s example too.
How can we follow God’s example, though? I mean, if we can’t see God, how can we know what kinds of things he does, so that we can do the same? We can find out what God does by reading stories about God in the Bible. That includes stories about Jesus, since according to the Bible, Jesus is God.
So, here are some things we should do in order to follow God’s example, according to the stories about God in the Bible:
- We should be perfect.
- We should tell people to obey God’s laws.
- We should tell people Jesus is the Messiah.
- We should observe the Sabbath.
- We should be wise.
- We should try to keep our lives.
- We should show everyone how good we are.
- We should keep our good deeds secret.
- We should perform supernatural signs and wonders.
- We should pray so others can hear us.
- We should only pray for those who are close to us.
- We should receive good things.
- We should refrain from stoning people if we are without sin.
- We should let foreigners enter holy places.
- We should take oaths.
- We should eat and drink excessively.
- We should celebrate.
- We should roar.
- We should be easily angered.
- We should be impatient.1
- We should be proud.
- We should be jealous.
- We should be hateful.
- We should cause chaos.
- We should argue.
- We should call people fools.
- We should judge and condemn people.
- We should judge those who are outside the church.
- We should disrespect our parents.
- We should refuse to listen to people.
- We should refuse to forgive people who curse us.
- We should curse people.
- We should lie.
- We should bring charges against people.
- We should accuse people when they have done us no harm.2
- We should be late.
- We should desert our flock.
- We should take retribution.
- We should punish people for the sins of their ancestors.
- We should refuse to help those in need.
- We should heavily burden people.
- We should unnecessarily delay doing good to others.
- We should make people stumble.
- We should steal our neighbors’ land.
- We should get married.
- We should be married to two sisters at the same time.
- We should impregnate other people’s fiancées.
- We should impregnate our mothers.
- We should marry our daughters.3
- We should hate our wives and treat them harshly.
- We should get divorced.
- We should be violent.
- We should destroy fruit trees.
- We should be quick to destroy fig trees that aren’t fruitful.
- We should sacrifice on the mountains.
- We should harm foreigners.
- We should harm Edomites.
- We should harm Moabites.
- We should harm our enemies.
- We should harm our neighbors.
- We should plot harm against those who trust us.
- We should murder people.
- We should shed blood on a bare rock.
- We should sacrifice our children.
- We should kill the Lord’s anointed king.
- We should destroy the earth.
- We should call men fathers.
- We should make images of things in heaven.
- We should work on the Sabbath.
- We should change God’s commands.
- We should reject Jesus.
- We should betray Jesus.
- We should call ourselves gods.
…Wait a minute. Those are all things the Bible says we shouldn’t do!Continue reading Should we follow God’s example?
Here’s a flowchart showing what an inconsistent mess the Bible’s concept of God is:Continue reading God flowchart
Jacob and Esau were twin brothers, the sons of Abraham’s son Isaac and Rebekah, Isaac’s first cousin once removed. Esau, the firstborn, was red and hairy. His brother Jacob was notoriously deceptive; he was pulling Esau’s leg from the day he was born.Continue reading The Story of Jacob and Esau—
How to be Blessed
Abraham’s nephew Lot was a righteous man. He lived in the city of Sodom, where nearly everyone was so wicked that God decided to kill them all.1 So God sent two angels (who looked like men) to Sodom. Lot met them and convinced them to spend the night at his house.Continue reading The Story of Sodom and Gomorrah—
Lot's Family's Mostly Unsuccessful Attempt to Avoid Being Raped and Killed
Ten generations after Noah, God promised a man named Abraham that he would have countless descendants through Isaac, the son of Abraham and his sister Sarah. But before Isaac could grow up and have children, the all-good God ordered Abraham to sacrifice Isaac as a burnt offering. So Abraham lied to his servants and his son about what he was planning to do, so they wouldn’t interfere. Then he tied up his son, put him on an altar, and picked up a knife…Continue reading The Story of Abraham’s Sacrifice—
Isaac and his Murderous Psycho Father
God makes a deal with the devil
One day, Satan went up to see God, and they talked about a man named Job,1 who God said was the most righteous and godly person in the world. Satan was of the opinion that Job only seemed so good to God because God was so good to Job. He said if God would curse Job, then Job would curse God. The all-knowing God wanted to find out if Satan was right, so he gave Satan permission to do whatever he wanted to Job, as long as he didn’t physically harm him.
So Satan sent raiders to steal Job’s 500 donkeys, 1000 oxen, and 3000 camels. God helped him by sending fire from heaven to burn up Job’s 7000 sheep. Satan also sent a strong wind to knock down a house and kill Job’s ten children, and he got most of Job’s many servants killed too. Then God made everyone else Job knew shun him. Job responded by tearing his clothes off and worshiping God. Righteous Job didn’t think God had done anything wrong by letting Satan murder his children.
When Satan came to see God again, God pointed out that Job still loved him, even after Satan had convinced God to destroy nearly everything Job had for no reason. Satan explained that Job was too selfish to care about his children and servants dying. But if God attacked Job personally, that would be enough to make him curse God. The all-good God decided to see if Satan was right, so he gave Satan permission to do whatever he wanted to Job, as long as he didn’t kill him.
So Satan covered Job with painful sores. God helped him by giving Job horrible nightmares, and sending wicked people to beat him up, spit at him, and laugh at him. Job got a fever, and his skin started changing color and peeling off. His wife advised him to curse God for ruining his life, so God would put him out of his misery. Job admitted that God was the cause of his trouble, but he didn’t see why his all-good God should be expected to do only good things all the time.Continue reading The Story of the Torture of Job—
The Truth About God
When Noah’s flood had reduced the world population to 8, and while the population was recovering for a while after that, everyone in the world spoke the same language. People who had moved to the East started to build a great, unifying city with a huge tower that would reach to the heavens.Continue reading The Story of the Tower of Babel—
Babble Babble Babble
More than 1500 years after the perfect God created his perfect world, he realized that creating humans had been a bad idea, because humans are evil. To correct his mistake, God decided to kill all the humans, and all the animals too, for some reason. But there was one righteous man in the world who God didn’t want to kill, and his name was Noah.Continue reading The Story of Noah’s Ark—
The One Where God Decides to Kill Everybody