This is the seventh in a series of posts about unnecessary repetition in the Bible. To conclude this series, I’ll be listing some passages that go on and on, only to keep saying more or less the same thing.

Like this description of Noah’s flood: The flood kept coming on the earth, the waters increased high above the earth, the waters rose and increased greatly on the earth, they rose and increased greatly on the earth, and all the high mountains were covered. After that was over, it says God told Noah and his sons to be fruitful, and increase in number, and fill the earth, and then he told them to be fruitful, and increase in number, and multiply on the earth, and increase upon it.

Then God said he was establishing his covenant with them and their descendants and all the animals. He said he was establishing his covenant with them. His covenant was a promise that all life would never again be destroyed by a flood, and that there would never again be a flood to destroy the earth.

He said the sign of the covenant he was making with them and their descendants and all the animals was a rainbow, which would be the sign of the covenant between him and the earth. Whenever the rainbow appeared, he would remember his covenant with them and all the animals. He said the waters would never again become a flood to destroy all life, because whenever the rainbow appeared, he would remember his covenant with all the creatures on earth. And he said that was the sign of the covenant he was establishing with all life on earth.

Later, God made another covenant. He told Abram that he would be the father of many nations, and that his new name would be Abraham (Father of Many), because he would be a father of many nations. He also said he would make him very fruitful and make nations of him. A few chapters later, there’s a little argument between Abraham and the Hittites where they just keep saying pretty much the same things: Abraham wants them to sell him a burial site, and they want to give it to him for free.

Abraham’s great-grandsons also had a monotonous argument: Joseph kept saying his brothers were there to spy on Egypt, and his brothers kept saying they were brothers, so they couldn’t possibly be spies. When he sent them home, they told their father that the man in charge of Egypt had said they wouldn’t see his face again unless their youngest brother was with them. They told their father that if he would send that brother with them, they would go to Egypt again to buy more food, but if he didn’t send him, they wouldn’t go, because that man had said they wouldn’t see his face again unless their brother was with them.

1 Chronicles tells the names of the sons of Jacob’s grandson Merari, which you’d think would mean all of them. Then it says someone named Beno was the son of Jaaziah, whoever that is, and it makes it sound like there are no other sons of Jaaziah. Then it once again starts to tell the sons of Merari, but it says these are “from Jaaziah“, whatever that means. And it lists some sons, one of which is Beno again. (Is Jaaziah a wife of Merari or something?)

Post-exodus

After bringing the Israelites out of Egypt, God told Moses that he would dwell among them and be their God, and that they would then know that he was the Lord their God, who had brought them out of Egypt so he could dwell among them. And he also said he was the Lord their God. Later, he said it some more.

God dwelt among his people in the form of a cloud. Once the tabernacle was set up, the cloud covered it, and at night it looked like fire. That’s how it continued to be; the cloud covered it, and at night it looked like fire. When the cloud moved, the people followed it, and when it stopped, they stopped. They set out at God’s command, and they encamped at God’s command.

As long as the cloud stayed over the tabernacle, they stayed where they were. When it stayed still a long time, they stayed still a long time. When it stayed still a short time, they stayed still a short time. When it stayed still a shorter time, they stayed still a shorter time. They moved with the cloud, whether it was day or night. However long it stayed, they stayed, and then when it lifted, they set out. They set out at God’s command, and they encamped at God’s command. And they obeyed the Lord’s order.

After God did a miracle that he was sure would make his people stop complaining, his people complained that they were going to die, they were lost, they were all lost, anyone who went near the tabernacle would die, and they were probably all going to die.

In Numbers 33, you can see the stages of the journey of the Israelites, because Moses recorded the stages in their journey, and what’s written there is their journey by stages.

God said his people shouldn’t think he was giving them the promised land because they were righteous, because it was really because the people who already lived there were wicked. He told them they weren’t going to take that land because of their own righteousness. Instead, God was going to get rid of the other nations on account of their wickedness. He wanted his people to understand that it wasn’t because of their righteousness that he was giving them the land.

Before Moses died, God told him that the people were going to embrace foreign gods, they would forsake God and break his covenant, and he would get angry and forsake them. He would abandon them and they would be destroyed, and many disasters and calamities would come on them. They would realize that the disasters came because God wasn’t with them, and God would hide from them because they turned to other gods. Then he told Moses that the people were going to turn to other gods and reject him and break his covenant, and many disasters and calamities would come on them.

God told Moses’s successor Joshua to be strong and courageous. Then he told him to be strong and very courageous. Then he told him to be strong and courageous, not to be afraid, and not to be discouraged. And at the end of that chapter, the people tell Joshua to be strong and courageous.

When the Israelites were luring their enemies away from the city of Ai so they could ambush it, it says all the men of Ai were called to pursue them, and they pursued Joshua and were lured away from the city. None of them stayed in Ai and didn’t go after them; they left their city vulnerable and went in pursuit of Israel.

Post-settlement

When a Canaanite commander was fleeing from the Israelites, a woman let him take refuge in her tent. But then she murdered him in his sleep, which somehow caused him to fall to the ground. Then some people sang a song about it, containing a very repetitive verse. That verse says twice that he sank at her feet, and it says twice that he fell. It also says that he lay there, that where he sank was where he fell, and that he was dead. The song then portrays another woman as speculating in a redundant manner about what plunder the commander’s men might bring home.

A woman who was giving birth heard that the ark of the covenant had been captured and that her father-in-law and husband were dead. She named her child “no glory”, because she said the Glory had departed from Israel, because of the capture of the ark and the deaths of her father-in-law and husband. And she said the Glory had departed from Israel because the ark of God was captured.

Saul was afraid of David because God was with David. Saul gave David command over a thousand men, and David led the troops in their campaigns, which were always successful, because God was with David. When Saul saw how successful David was, he was afraid of him, but the people loved David, because he led them in their campaigns.

After God made his deceptive promises to David, David informed God that God was God, and that he had promised those things to him. He said God had blessed the house of David so it would continue forever, because he, God, had blessed it, and it would be blessed forever.

King David’s dead best friend’s disabled son’s dishonest fraudulent treacherous steward Ziba said to the king, “Your servant will do whatever my lord the king commands his servant to do.” What a pointlessly cumbersome way to talk.

After God killed David’s innocent baby for the sins of its father, David realized the child was dead. He asked his attendants “Is the child dead?” And they replied, “Yes, he is dead.” Later, David’s commander Joab killed another of David’s sons, Absalom, who had wanted to kill David. David was a lot more upset about this son’s death, saying “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! …O Absalom, my son, my son!”

1 Chronicles says David’s army had 12 divisions that took turns, with one division being on duty each month. Each division consisted of 24,000 men. Then it says the guy in charge of the first division, for the first month, had 24,000 men in his division, and that he was in charge of all the army officers for the first month. And then it goes on to tell who was in charge of each of the other divisions, each time saying there were 24,000 men in his division.

David gave his son Solomon plans for building the temple, specifying the weight of gold for all the gold articles to be used in various kinds of service, and the weight of silver for all the silver articles to be used in various kinds of service. That included the weight of the gold for the gold lampstands and their lamps (with the weight specified for each lampstand and its lamps), and the weight of silver for each silver lampstand and its lamps (according to the use of each lampstand), etc.

Solomon made two cherub sculptures for the temple, and their total wingspan was 20 cubits. One wing of the first cherub was five cubits and touched the wall, and its other wing was five cubits and touched the other cherub’s wing. That other cherub also had one wing that was five cubits and touched the wall, and another wing that was five cubits and touched the first cherub’s wing. The wings of those cherubim extended 20 cubits.

After Jeroboam took over most of Israel from Solomon’s son, he instituted a festival on the 15th day of the 8th month, and offered sacrifices on the altar. He made those sacrifices in Bethel to the calves he had made, and in Bethel he installed priests at the high places he had made. On the 15th day of the 8th month, he offered sacrifices on the altar he had made at Bethel. And he instituted that festival, and went to the altar to make offerings.

In Asa’s days, the country was at peace for ten years. Asa did what was right in the eyes of God. He removed the foreign altars and high places. He told the people to obey God. He removed the high places and altars, and the kingdom was at peace. He build up the cities, because the land was at peace, and no one was at war with him, because God gave him rest. And he told the people to build up the towns, because they could, because they had pleased God, and he had given them rest. So they built them.

The ramblings of Jesus

Jesus made three statements in a row about what he thinks makes you not worthy of him, and then he rambled a bit about the consequences of welcoming different people.

He said soon the world wouldn’t see him, but his disciples would see him. He said they would live, because he lived. He said they would realize that he was in his Father and they were in him and he was in them, whatever that means. He said whoever keeps his commands loves him, and his Father will love whoever loves him, and he’ll love them, too.

In Jesus’s description of the last judgment, he goes on for 12 verses just quoting his future self listing the things that he claims people did or didn’t do to him, and then having those confused people repeat the list of things that they don’t remember doing or not doing to him.

Jesus stated that the one who comes from above is still above, and the one from the earth belongs to the earth and speaks like he’s from earth, and also the one who comes from heaven above is above. He said the Son was glorified, and God was glorified in him, and if God was glorified in him, then God would glorify the Son in himself, and he would glorify him at once.

Jesus corrected people regarding who bread from heaven comes from. He said his Father gives you the “true” bread from heaven, because the bread of God is the bread that comes down from heaven and gives life to the world. And he declared himself to be the bread of life. He said he had come from heaven to do God’s will, not his own will, and God’s will was that he wouldn’t lose any of the people God gave him, and that he would raise them up at the last day. God’s will was also that everyone who believed in Jesus would have eternal life, and that Jesus would raise them up at the last day.

The Jews didn’t like him claiming to be bread from heaven, so they grumbled and questioned his claim that he had come from heaven. Jesus didn’t like them grumbling about that, so he told them to stop grumbling. He stated again that he would raise his people up at the last day, and also that believers would have eternal life, and that he was the bread of life, again.

He mentioned that people who had eaten actual bread from heaven had died, but he claimed that anyone who ate this “bread from heaven” wouldn’t die. He clarified that he was the bread that had come from heaven, and stated again that whoever ate that bread would live forever. And he said the bread he was talking about was his flesh, which he was going to give for the life of the world.

When the Jews started arguing about whether he could really give them his flesh to eat, Jesus declared that anyone who didn’t eat his flesh and drink his blood had no life in them, while whoever did eat his flesh and drink his blood would have eternal life, and he would raise them up at the last day. He insisted that his flesh and blood were real food and drink. He said that he and whoever ate his flesh and drank his blood would be in each other, whatever that means.

He said anyone who fed on him would live because of him, just like he lives because the living Father sent him. And he said again that this was the bread that came from heaven, and that the people who actually ate bread from heaven had died, but that whoever fed on this bread from heaven would live forever.

Laws

God says he’s the Lord, and that you should keep his commandments and follow them, and that he’s the Lord. Don’t profane his holy name, because he needs the Israelites to acknowledge him as holy. He says he’s the Lord, who makes them holy, and who brought them out of Egypt to be their God. Also, he’s the Lord.

God wants his people to wear tassels to remind them of his commands, so they can obey them. Then they’ll remember to obey all his commands.

When foreigners do what God’s law requires, God’s law requires that they do exactly what the Israelites do. His people should have the same rules for themselves and for the foreigners among them. They and the foreigners are the same, and the same laws apply to both them and the foreigners among them.

Moses said when the people crossed the Jordan and got to the promised land, they should set up some large rocks and coat them with plaster. He said they should write all the laws he had given them on those rocks when they had entered the land God was giving them. He said when they had crossed the Jordan, they should set up those stones, as he had told them to, and coat them with plaster.

He said they should also build an altar there, an altar of stones. They should build the altar with fieldstones and offer offerings on it to God. They should sacrifice offerings there in the presence of God. And he said they should write all the words of the law on the stones they had set up.

When God explains how he thinks you should deal with moldy fabric, he repeatedly specifies all the different types of fabric he has in mind. He says if the mold spreads in the fabric after being isolated for a week, it’s a persistent mold, and a priest has to burn the fabric, and because the mold is persistent, the article must be burned. If the mold persists for a week after washing, he should burn it then, too. And if he tries to get rid of the mold and it reappears, it’s a spreading mold, so then he has to burn the moldy thing.

God wants his people to bring the priests olive oil so they can keep the lamps in his house burning continually. He says Aaron should tend the lamps before him continually, and the lamps before the Lord must be tended continually.

If a woman makes a vow and then gets married, her vow is legally binding unless her husband says otherwise. If a woman gets married and then makes a vow, then her vow is legally binding unless her husband says otherwise. If he nullifies her vows, he’s nullified them, and she’ll be released. Her husband can nullify any vow she makes. But if he doesn’t say anything, he confirms the vows, and he confirms them by not saying anything.

Food laws

God says he is against anyone in Israel who eats blood, and he will cut them off from the people. That’s because the life is in the blood, and that’s why he told the Israelites they weren’t allowed to eat blood. If you want to eat an animal, you have to drain the blood out first, because its life is in the blood. That’s why he told the Israelites they must not eat the blood of any creature, because the life of every creature is in its blood, and anyone who eats it has to be cut off.

God says the only sea creatures you can eat are the ones with fins and scales. You should regard sea creatures without fins and scales as unclean. And because you regard them as unclean, you shouldn’t eat them, and you should regard them as unclean. Anything living in the water that doesn’t have fins and scales, you should regard as unclean.

He has similarly rambly things to say about which of his other creatures he thinks are “unclean”, and how you will become unclean if you touch them, and how your stuff will become unclean if they touch it, and why you shouldn’t do that because you should be holy because God’s holy. He also says you should regard the priests as holy, because they feed God, and you should consider them holy, because God, who makes you holy, is holy.

Descendants of Aaron aren’t allowed to come near to offer God food if they have defects, though. No man with a defect may come near, and no descendant of Aaron who has a defect is allowed to come near to give God food. He has a defect, so he must not come near to offer God food. It’s okay for him to eat God’s food himself, but since he has a defect, he can’t go near the altar.

God spends a whole chapter repeatedly saying he only wants his people to make sacrifices in one particular place, and they shouldn’t have altars all over the place. That chapter says twice that they can kill and eat animals anywhere they want, but they can only eat God’s food at God’s place. And it says three more times that they can’t ever eat any blood.

Inheritance laws

The people pointed out that there was still a flaw in God’s inheritance law after he had tried to patch it after Zelophehad’s daughters had previously pointed out another flaw in God’s inheritance law. They said the law currently said Zelophehad’s daughters could have the inheritance that would have gone to his sons if he’d had any, but if those daughters married men from other tribes, the inheritance would be taken from them and added to the tribe they marry into, and that inheritance would be taken away. Then they said the inheritance would be added to the tribe they marry into, and their property would be taken from their tribe.

So God said Zelophehad’s daughters could marry anyone they wanted as long as they were from the same tribal clan. He told the Israelites not to let any inheritance pass from one tribe to another, because each of them should keep the tribal inheritance of their ancestors. He said every daughter who inherits land must marry someone in her father’s tribal clan, so every Israelite would possess the inheritance of their ancestors. And then he said no inheritance could pass from one tribe to another, because each tribe needed to keep the land it inherited.

The Levites aren’t allowed to have any inheritance. They are to live on the food that the rest of the people are required to give to “God”, because that’s their inheritance. They won’t have any inheritance, because God is their inheritance.

Poetry

Job spends five verses going on about how wisdom and various valuable materials can’t be compared. Then when he’s done talking, Elihu says he’s going to have his say, and tell what he knows, because he’s so full of words he’s about to burst. He must speak, and open his lips, and reply, so he’s about to open his mouth, and the words are on the tip of his tongue. He spends more than a whole chapter talking about being about to talk, before he finally starts to actually say what he has to say.

The sons of Korah wrote a psalm telling the nations to sing praises to God, sing praises, sing praises to their king, and sing praises, because God was the king, and people should sing a psalm of praise to him.

They also said people would say this one was born in Zion, and of Zion it would be said that this one and that one were born there, and God would write that this one was born in Zion too.

One psalm describes the unusually lively behavior of various inanimate objects. Then it lists each of those things and what they’re doing again when asking why that’s happening.

A psalmist says three times in a row that his foreign enemies surrounded him, but that he cut them down in the name of the Lord. He says righteous people are shouting that the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things, is lifted high, and has done mighty things. And then he says to open the gates of righteousness so he can enter and give thanks to the Lord, and that that’s the gate of the Lord that the righteous can enter, and that he’ll give thanks.

The longest chapter in the Bible mostly just says the same things over and over and over. It says the psalmist loves God’s laws about 30 times, that he follows them about 20 times, and that he wants to learn them about 20 times.

A psalmist wished five times in three verses for the people of all nations to praise God. Another psalm says to praise the Lord, praise the Lord, praise the name of the Lord, and let the name of the Lord be praised, and it also says the name of the Lord is to be praised. There’s one where the psalmist says to praise the Lord, tells himself to praise the Lord, says he will praise the Lord all his life, and then says he’ll sing praise to God as long as he lives. And the final psalm says to praise God 13 times, even though it’s just six verses long.

In the book of Proverbs, Solomon asks if wisdom calls out, and if understanding raises her voice. And then he says she stands beside the gate, at the entrance, and cries out that she’s calling out to people, and raising her voice to them.

David’s songs

David said God had rescued him because he delighted in him, and had dealt with him according to his righteousness, and had rewarded him according to the cleanness of his hands, because David had kept God’s ways, and hadn’t turned from him, or from his decrees, and had been blameless before him, and had kept himself from sin. And then he repeated some of that again, before declaring in a similarly repetitively rambling way that treating people according to how they act is what God does in general.

He said something about the King of glory, and then asked who the King of glory was, and then told who the King of glory was, and then he said almost the same thing again.

David said when he’s afraid he puts his trust in God, in God whose word he praises. He says he trusts in God and isn’t afraid, so what can mortals do to him? And then a little later he says almost the same thing again. In another psalm he says he’ll exalt God, he’ll praise his name for ever and ever, he’ll praise him every day, and he’ll extol his name for ever and ever. And then he makes four statements in a row that are all about him or others talking or thinking about how great God is.

David called Mount Bashan a majestic mountain. Then he called Mount Bashan a rugged mountain. And then he asked the rugged mountain why it was gazing at another mountain.

David said he and his people had escaped like a bird from a snare, and that the snare had been broken and they’d escaped.

Prophecy

When a king of Judah sends people to consult a prophet, the prophet tells them: This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: Tell the man who sent you to me: This is what the Lord says. And then after saying what the Lord says, the prophet tells the messengers to tell the king of Judah, who had sent them to inquire of God: This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says…

Joel tries to list all the different kinds of locusts that are eating everything, and which ones have eaten what things that the other ones didn’t already eat. He tells people to listen to what he tells them, and to tell it to their children, and to let their children tell it to their children, and to let their children tell it to their children.

Obadiah spends almost a hundred words repeatedly saying Edom shouldn’t be happy about (or contribute to) the bad things happening to Judah. Zephaniah says what the day of the Lord will be a day of, six times in a row in one sentence. (What will it be a day of? Nothing good.)

Zechariah saw four horses straining to go throughout the earth, and then an angel told them to go throughout the earth, so they went throughout the earth. God told Zechariah that any peoples that didn’t go to worship in Jerusalem wouldn’t get any rain. Then he said the same thing about Egypt specifically, and said he would treat them the way he treats nations that don’t go to celebrate his festivals. And he said that would be the punishment for Egypt, and for all the nations that didn’t go to celebrate his festivals.

In the book of Revelation, it says an angel swore by God, except it takes 34 words to say God. Another angel tells someone to reap, because it’s time to reap, because the harvest is ripe. And then another angel invites all the birds to eat the flesh of all people, free and slave, great and small, and of the people who ride horses, and of the mighty, and of the kings and generals. That was pretty redundant.

In that vision, Jesus announces that he’s planning to come like a thief, so you’d better remain clothed, because if you didn’t, you’d have to go naked, and you’d be shamefully exposed. Later, the author spends seven verses describing the inhabitants of heaven praising God for destroying a city.

Isaiah

In one message God sent through his servant Isaiah, God says his servant is blind and the messenger he sends is deaf, and he asks who is as blind as the servant of the Lord. Isaiah says the Lord Almighty revealed something to him, which is what the Lord, the Lord Almighty, says. And then he says something else that he says the Lord, the Lord Almighty says.

The second chapter of Isaiah says to go into the rocks and hide in the ground from the fearful presence of the Lord and the splendor of his majesty, and then it says people will do all that, and then it says almost the same thing again.

Isaiah tells the nations to raise the war cry and be shattered, and then he tells all the distant lands to listen so he can tell them to prepare for battle and be shattered and prepare for battle and be shattered.

He says woe to the nations that rage, and that they rage like the raging sea, and he also says woe to the peoples who roar, and that they roar like the roaring waters. And then he says what will happen to the peoples even though they roar like the roar of surging waters.

Isaiah predicts that there will be a highway from Egypt to Assyria, and the Assyrians will go to Egypt, and the Egyptians will go to Assyria. And the Egyptians and Assyrians will worship together, and Israel will be a blessed blessing along with Egypt and Assyria, when God blesses Egypt, Assyria, and Israel.

Isaiah says people will say this is their God, and they trusted in him, and he saved them, and that this is the Lord, and they trusted in him, and they’ll be glad about his salvation. He says some people will say they belong to the Lord, and others will call themselves Jacob, and then others will label themselves the Lord’s and take the name Israel.

He asks if God struck Israel the way he struck those who struck Israel, and if she has been killed the way those who killed her were killed.

Isaiah tells who staggers from wine and reels from beer: Priests and prophets stagger from beer, and are befuddled with wine, and they reel from beer, and they stagger when they see visions, and they stumble when making decisions.

He said David’s city would be brought low so they would speak from the ground, their speech would mumble out of the dust, their voice will come ghostlike from the earth, and their speech would whisper out of the dust. And then after that, they would keep God’s name holy, acknowledge the holiness of the Holy One, and stand in awe of their God.

Isaiah says the treacherous betray. With treachery. That’s how the treacherous betray. He prophesies against the destroyer, who hasn’t been destroyed, and says when they stop destroying, they’ll be destroyed. And he prophesies against the betrayer, who hasn’t been betrayed, and says when they stop betraying, they’ll be betrayed.

The last seven verses in Isaiah 34 (which is about a disaster coming on Edom) are taken up by rambling about all the animals that will live there once the people are gone. If you’re not paying attention, you might mistake the last verse for God making a promise to his people or something, but he’s actually still going on about the animals.

God said he would summon and honor Cyrus even though Cyrus didn’t acknowledge God, and he also said he was the Lord, and that there was no other, and that there was no God besides him, and that he would strengthen Cyrus even though he didn’t acknowledge God, so everyone would know there was no God besides God, and then he said he was the Lord, and that there was no other.

Isaiah says Bel bows down and Nebo stoops low, and their idols are borne by beasts of burden, because the images being carried are burdensome, and also they’re a burden, and they stoop and bow down together.

God wants his people to loose the chains of injustice, to untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free, and to break every yoke.

He says his people will get a double portion instead of shame, and they’ll rejoice in their inheritance instead of being disgraced, and that’s how they’ll inherit a double portion and have everlasting joy.

Jeremiah

The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord told him to stand at the Lord’s gate and proclaim a message that the people who went through the gate to worship the Lord should hear the word of the Lord, and it told him to tell them what the Lord says.

Jeremiah said shepherds would ruin God’s vineyard, and trample his field, and turn his field into a desolate wasteland, and he said it would be a wasteland, which would be desolate, and that the land would be laid waste.

The Lord told Jeremiah to take some people and go tell some other people to hear the word of the Lord, and to tell them that what the Lord said was that they should listen to him.

Then the Lord told him to go to the king and proclaim a message that said the king should hear the word of the Lord to the king, to the one who sits on David’s throne, to that guy. And then he told him to tell him what it was that the Lord says.

The Lord told this prophet to tell all the other prophets that even though they claimed that “this is a message from the Lord“, what the Lord said was that they had used the words “this is a message from the Lord” even though he had told them not to claim that “this is a message from the Lord”.

Another time, the Lord told Jeremiah that the Lord said he should go to the king and tell him “This is what the Lord says” when he tells him what the Lord says.

Jeremiah said God said if any nation didn’t serve the king of Babylon or bow its neck under his yoke, God would punish them with the sword, famine, and plague. He told them not to listen to their prophets (or diviners, or interpreters of dreams, or mediums, or sorcerers…) who told them they wouldn’t serve the king of Babylon. He said those prophets were prophesying lies, which would lead to the people being banished and dying. But if they did bow their neck under the yoke of the king of Babylon and serve him, they would live.

Then Jeremiah told the king of Judah to bow his neck under the yoke of the king of Babylon and serve him. He asked him why he and his people were looking to die by the sword, famine, and plague, which God had threatened all the nations with if they wouldn’t serve the king of Babylon. He told him not to listen to the prophets who said he wouldn’t serve the king of Babylon, because they were prophesying lies, and God hadn’t sent them, and they were prophesying lies. So God said he was going to banish the king and he would die, along with the prophets who prophesied to him.

And then Jeremiah told the people that God said not to listen to the prophets who said they would soon be free of Babylon, because they were prophesying lies, and they shouldn’t listen to them. He said they should serve the king of Babylon, and then they would live. And he asked them why they were looking to have their city ruined.

This is what the Lord Almighty said about the temple stuff that the king of Babylon hadn’t taken yet. Yes, this is what the Lord Almighty said about the stuff that was left in the temple: He said it would be taken to Babylon, and it would be there till he came to bring it back, and then he would bring it back.

Jeremiah told the exiles that God said he was eventually going to come for them and fulfill his promise to bring them back home, because God knew the plans that God had for them, which were plans to prosper them and give them hope and a future. God expected that once he had done that, they would call on him and come to him and pray to him and seek him and find him, and when they sought him, he would be found by them. And he said he would bring them back from captivity, and gather them from the places he had banished them, and bring them back from the place where he had exiled them.

God claimed that David would never fail to have a successor, and neither would the Levitical priests. God told Jeremiah that what God said was that if he could break God’s covenant with the day and night, then his covenant with David and his covenant with the Levitical priests could also be broken. And then God told Jeremiah that what God said was that if he hadn’t made a covenant with the day and night, then he would reject David and not give him a successor.

Some army officers told Jeremiah they would act in accordance with everything God sent him to tell them, and that whether they liked it or not, they would obey God, who they were sending Jeremiah to consult, because they intended to obey God.

Ezekiel

Ezekiel spends most of his first chapter repetitively describing some weird creatures he saw.

Then God tells Ezekiel he’s going to speak to him. And God speaks to him, telling him to listen to what he says to him. And also to open his mouth and eat what he gives him. Ezekiel sees that God is giving him a scroll. God tells him to eat what’s before him, to eat the scroll, and then to go speak to the people. So Ezekiel opens his mouth, and God gives him the scroll to eat. God tells him to eat the scroll he’s giving him, and to fill his stomach with it. So he eats the scroll, and then God tells him to go speak to the people. I could have said all that in about 15 words.

God tells Ezekiel he’s sending him to a rebellious nation that has rebelled against him. He says they’ve been in revolt against him, and he says the people he’s sending him to are obstinate and stubborn. He tells Ezekiel to tell them what he says to them, but he says they may not listen, because they’re a rebellious people. Then he tells Ezekiel three times not to be afraid, even though they’re a rebellious people. He says he has to tell them God’s words whether they listen or not, because they’re rebellious. And then he tells Ezekiel to listen to him, and not to rebel like that rebellious people.

Ezekiel says the word of the Lord came to him, telling him to oppose the mountains for some reason. He told him to prophesy against them, telling the mountains to hear the word of the Lord. And the Lord told him what the Lord had to say to the mountains.

God tells Jerusalem that Samaria was not all that sinful compared to Jerusalem, and that Jerusalem has done worse things than Samaria, and has made Samaria seem righteous in comparison. He says Jerusalem has made Samaria not look so bad. He says because Jersualem’s sins were worse than Samaria’s, Samaria now looks more righteous than Jerusalem. And then he says Jerusalem has made Samaria appear righteous.

More than half of Ezekiel 18 is taken up by God ranting repetitively about how the people think God should punish people for the sins of their fathers, while God disagrees. Then three-quarters of what remains of that chapter is God having an imaginary repetitive argument with the people about whether he should repay people based on everything they’ve done, or just the things they did most recently. And in chapter 33, God is rambling on about the same thing again.

The word of the Lord came to Ezekiel, telling him to oppose the south, and preach against the south, and prophesy against the forest of the south, and to tell the southern forest to hear the word of the Lord, which would begin by announcing that what it said was what the Lord said. After that, the word of the Lord came to Ezekiel and told him to oppose the Ammonites, and to tell them to hear the word of the Lord, and also to tell them what the Lord said.

And then another time, God told Ezekiel to prophesy to the mountains of Israel again, and to tell the mountains of Israel to hear the word of the Lord, and to tell them this is what the Lord says, and to prophesy and say this is what the Lord says, and to tell the mountains of Israel to hear the word of the Lord, and to tell them that this is what the Lord says to the mountains (and the hills, and the ravines, and the valleys), to tell them this is what the Lord says, and to prophesy about Israel, and say to the mountains (and the hills, and the ravines, and the valleys) that this is what the Lord says, and then after he says what the Lord says, to say that that’s why this other thing is what the Lord says.

Ezekiel envisions evil events

Through Ezekiel, God tells his people that the end is upon them, that he’ll unleash his anger against them, he’ll judge them for their conduct and repay them for their detestable practices, he won’t have pity, he won’t spare them, and he’ll repay them for their conduct and their detestable practices. Then they’ll know that the Lord is the Lord. Also, he’s about to bring his wrath on them, and spend his anger against them, and judge them for their conduct, and repay them for their detestable practices, and he won’t have pity or spare them, and he’ll repay them for their conduct and their detestable practices. That way they’ll know it was the Lord who did it.

Ezekiel says God says disaster. Unheard-of disaster. It comes. The end has come, too. Also, the end has come. Against the people of the land. It comes. Doom has come on the people who live in the land. The time has come. And the day is near.

God asks: Will this vine that was planted thrive? Won’t it be uprooted, so it withers? He says it will all wither. And it will be pulled up by the roots. It’s been planted, but will it thrive? Won’t it wither completely, won’t it wither away?

God tells Ezekiel that his people have become dross to him, the copper, tin, iron, and lead left over inside a furnace. They’re nothing but the dross of silver. So he tells them that because they’ve become dross, he’s going to gather them into the furnace of Jerusalem. He’ll treat them like silver, copper, iron, lead, and tin, being gathered and melted in the fire, and he’ll gather them in his wrath and put them in that city and melt them. He’ll gather them and breathe fire on them in his wrath, and they’ll be melted. Inside the city. Like silver melting in a furnace. That’s how they’ll be melted, in the city. That way, they’ll know they’ve experienced his wrath.

Ezekiel spends 83 words describing all the violent things God is planning to do to a Pharaoh. And in another chapter, he spends 13 verses repeatedly saying all their hordes, killed by the sword, they fall among the slain, they bear their shame, surrounded by graves, they are uncircumcised, in the depths of the pit, blah blah blah.

God has Ezekiel say that God is against Mount Seir, and he’s going to make it a desolate waste, and he’ll turn its towns into ruins, and it will be desolate, and he’ll make Mount Seir a desolate waste, and he’ll cut off all the people from it, and he’ll make it desolate forever, and its towns won’t be inhabited, and others will rejoice when it becomes desolate, because it rejoiced when others became desolate, so God wanted to treat it the same way, so now Mount Seir will be desolate.

God says he’ll bury Gog in a valley where people travel. This burial place will block the travelers, because Gog will be buried there, so it will be called the Valley of Hamon Gog. Israel will spend seven months burying Gog there, to cleanse the land. All the people of the land will bury Gog. People will be continually employed in cleansing the land. They’ll go all across the land and bury any bodies they find on the ground. After seven months, they’ll start looking harder. They’ll keep going through the land, so any bones they find can be buried in the Valley of Hamon Gog. That way, they’ll cleanse the land.

Letters

Paul repeats the same message several times throughout 1 Corinthians 7: that marriage is okay, but celibacy is better. Paul thinks he might be seen as fickle, or like the kind of person who would say yes, yes and no, no at the same time. So he clarifies that his message is not yes and no, because Jesus is not yes and no, just always yes. Every promise God makes is yes. Does that clear everything up?

Since Paul preaches that Jesus was raised from the dead, he objects when he hears that some of his followers say there is no resurrection of the dead. Because if there’s no resurrection of the dead, then Jesus has not been raised. And if Jesus hasn’t been raised, Paul’s preaching is useless. It’s also false, because Paul has been saying God has raised Jesus from the dead. But God didn’t raise him, if the dead aren’t raised. Because if the dead aren’t raised, that means Jesus hasn’t been raised.

Paul says the Father of Christ is the God of comfort. God comforts people in their troubles, so that they’ll be able to comfort others who are in trouble, using the comfort they got from God. People can share the suffering of Christ and the comfort of Christ. When Paul suffers, it’s so his followers can have comfort, and when Paul is comforted, that’s also so they can have comfort, but only so they’ll be better able to endure the sufferings that Paul suffers. He knows they already do share his suffering and share his comfort.

Paul says the death ministry came with glory, and that’s why people couldn’t look at Moses’s face, because of its glory. So he says the ministry of the Spirit must be even more glorious. He says the condemnation ministry was glorious, so the ministry of righteousness must be much more glorious. Because the thing that was glorious has no glory, when you compare it to the glory that surpasses it. He also says the glory of something that lasts must be much greater than the transitory glory.

So Paul doesn’t put a veil over his face like Moses did, or like the veil that keeps people from the old covenant of Moses. That veil hasn’t been removed, because only Jesus can take it away, so when people read from Moses, the veil still covers people’s hearts, unless they turn to the Lord, and then he takes the veil away. Paul says the Lord is a Spirit, and he talks about the Spirit of the Lord. And he says unveiled people can contemplate the Lord’s glory, and then they’ll get more glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Paul says we groan because we want to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because if we were clothed then we wouldn’t be naked. Then he says we groan because we don’t want to be unclothed. Instead, we want to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling.

Paul knows a man who was caught up to heaven. He doesn’t know if it happened in the body or out of the body, but God knows. And Paul knows that this man, who he doesn’t know if he was in the body or out of the body, but God knows, was caught up to paradise.

What was going to be a simple sentence giving glory to God gets stretched out to over 70 words, because Paul gets sidetracked saying a bunch of other stuff tangentially related to God in the middle of that sentence.

2 John starts by vaguely stating who the letter is addressed to, then mentions that the writer loves them “in the truth”, but he’s not the only one, but also everyone who knows the truth does, because of the truth, which lives in them…

Sin and stuff

Paul writes to his followers, claiming that the gift is not like the trespass, then explaining how the gift is like the trespass and comparing the two, then claiming that the gift can’t be compared to the trespass, and then going on and on comparing them some more, and pointing out all the parallels between them.

Paul explains how evil is an obstacle to free will:¹ Paul can’t understand why he does what he does. He doesn’t do what he wants to do, but instead he does what he hates. He does what he doesn’t want to do, even though he knows the law is good. He’s so bothered by his own actions that he feels the need to claim that it’s not really him doing it, but the sin living in him. He says good does not live in him, because then there would have to be good in his sinful nature. He desires to do good, but he just can’t.

He doesn’t do the good he wants to do; all he keeps doing is the evil that he doesn’t want to do. And he claims again that if he does what he doesn’t want to do, then it can’t be him doing it; it must be the sin living in him that does it. There’s some adverse law working against him, so that even though he wants to do good, evil is with him. He delights in God’s law, but there’s another law at work in him, fighting his own mind’s law and making him a prisoner of the law of sin, which is at work in him.

Paul tells his Gentile followers that they used to be disobedient to God, but now the Jews have been disobedient too, so God decided to have mercy on the Gentiles for some reason, and then the Jews become disobedient (again?), and this time God decided to have mercy on them, but only because he had had mercy on the Gentiles, because God had forced everyone to be disobedient to him, because he wanted to get to have mercy on them.

Paul says he portrays himself to those who are under the law like he was under the law even though he’s not under the law so he can win over those who are under the law. He says several things like that in a row.

He says God reconciled us to himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, which was that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ. God also gave us the message of reconciliation. That’s why Paul tells people on Christ’s behalf to be reconciled to God.

Near the end of his first letter to Timothy, Paul writes an 84-word sentence just to tell Timothy to keep a command until Jesus returns. Then he starts his letter to Titus with a 92-word sentence, when he’s just supposed to be saying who the letter is from and to. And then Peter outdoes Paul, writing a 150-word sentence in his letter.

1 John says if anyone claims to be in the light, but they hate their brother or sister, then they’re in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister really does live in the light. But anyone who hates their brother or sister is in the darkness, and walks around in the darkness. They don’t know where they’re going, because the darkness blinds them.

It says if you see a brother or sister commit a sin that doesn’t lead to death, then you should pray, and God will give them life. But it says this only applies to people whose sin doesn’t lead to death. Because there is a sin that does lead to death. And you don’t need to pray about that one. But there’s also sin that doesn’t lead to death.

Jude says Enoch says God is coming to judge everyone, and to convict everyone of all the ungodly acts they’ve committed in their ungodliness, and of the words that ungodly sinners have spoken against him.