No.

One time when God was telling his people why he wasn’t happy with them, he assured them that it had nothing to do with them not sacrificing enough animals to him. He explained that he didn’t need anyone to give him animals for food, because he doesn’t eat the flesh of bulls. And anyway, all the wild animals in the world belong to him already. So even if he did get hungry, he wouldn’t have to demand food from someone else.

So God doesn’t need to be fed. God doesn’t need anyone to make him a house, either. In fact, God doesn’t need anything from anyone. Why would he? He’s the all-powerful creator who provides everything humans need, not the other way around.

Yes.

God needs food. He demanded, many times, that his people regularly give him food offerings, which are the food of God. (And don’t forget the salt!) When his people don’t do what he wants, he just devours their fields. God also needs water. He needs to drink from a brook, so he’ll be refreshed enough to continue heaping up the dead.

Jesus, who the Bible says is God, ate food during his days on earth. And he got hungry when he went without food. Even now, Jesus expects people to let him into their homes so he can eat them eat with them. But does he actually need food? Yes, he said he plans to send people to hell for failing to give him free food, drink, shelter, clothes, and healthcare when he needs it.

God also needs money. He once cursed his chosen nation for “robbing” him because they weren’t giving him as much of their wealth as he wanted. I’ve never heard of God actually buying anything with money, but he must need money for something. Why else would people be telling people to give their money to God? I mean, unless “giving money to God” was some kind of scam, or something…

God needs rest

When God was done creating the world, he had to take a day off to rest. God gets tired of dealing with other people’s words and actions. He gets tired of restraining himself from killing people for their words and actions. He even gets tired of upholding his own religious rituals. In Jesus’s parables, he portrays God as sleeping. God needs rest so badly that he sleeps when he should be saving people’s lives.

Jesus got tired as he was traveling, and had to sit down. Another time, he fell asleep on a boat and almost let it wreck while he slept through a storm.

Jesus told a parable that suggests that the reason Satan is able to plant evil in the world is that he does it while Jesus is sleeping. Jesus is aware of this, so why doesn’t he just choose to stay awake all the time, so he can keep an eye on Satan? He must just really need his sleep.

God needs to do this, to be able to do that

If God doesn’t need anything, why did he have to steal a rib out of Adam before he could make Eve? Apparently he needed the rib. Apparently he was incapable of just making a woman out of the dust (even though he had just done the same thing with the man). Either that or he’s just a jerk who likes to steal people’s internal organs for no reason.

Twice in Genesis, God needed to prevent humans from doing something, because that was the only way he could keep humans from gaining godlike power and becoming a threat to his supremacy.

After God finally got his people out of Egypt through pointlessly convoluted and cruel methods, he needed to prevent them from encountering any Philistines on the way to the promised land. That was the only way God could possibly keep his people from deciding that they would be better off returning to the land of slavery.

God said he couldn’t go with the Israelites all the way to the promised land, because he lacked the self-control to keep himself from killing them all. He needed to give himself some time alone to get over his anger.

God didn’t get rid of the native inhabitants of Canaan instantly, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to make that work out well for his people. He needed to do it gradually.

When God decided it was finally time to “save” his people from the Philistine oppressors that he had put over them, he needed an excuse for attacking the Philistines. That’s why God contrived to get Samson married to a Philistine woman, and then to have the Philistines steal her back, so that Samson and the Philistines would get increasingly angry at each other and Samson would end up killing thousands of Philistines. That was the best way God could think of to rescue his people from the situation he had put them in. He needed to do it that way.

You’d think God wouldn’t need any weapons to fight, but apparently he uses a bow and arrows. God can approach the mighty behemoth, but only if he brings a sword. God can defend David from his enemies, but apparently he has to use a shield and armor. He might get hurt otherwise! God wants mercy, don’t hurt him!

God remembers his people, but only because he wrote a reminder on his hands.

A prophet once said that God never does anything without telling his prophets what he’s planning to do. That seems awfully limiting.

God can locate all the people in a city, but only if he goes through and searches it with lamps.

The only way God can do anything as the Son is if he first does it as the Father. As the Son, God can do nothing by himself.

God needs help

God had to get Noah to help him keep some creatures alive during the flood. He waited patiently for Noah to get it done. Because apparently God wasn’t able to create an ark himself. Or to miraculously make some creatures able to survive underwater. Or to aim his destruction more precisely instead of just flooding the whole world. No, he had to get help from a human. Then after God killed nearly everyone and everything in the world, he needed a continual reminder not to do it again.

When God sent Moses to deal with the Pharaoh who was keeping his people captive, Moses questioned why he should have to do that. Which was a good point, even if you ignore the fact that Moses wasn’t a good speaker. Couldn’t God have more easily just spoken to Pharaoh himself? Couldn’t God have gotten Pharaoh to want to let his people go? Couldn’t God have just teleported his people out of Egypt and made Pharaoh forget about them? You’d think he could, but it seems he couldn’t. God needed a human to help him accomplish that mission.

At one point, God was considering getting Israel’s enemies to destroy them all. The only reason he didn’t destroy them was that the enemies would think they had just done it themselves. But is God not capable of doing things without help from enemies? No, apparently he needs his enemies to do things for him. Otherwise, his enemies’ opinions wouldn’t have been an obstacle for him. He would have just done what he wanted to do.

The Bible says God rides on cherubim. So apparently he needs help getting around. He also sometimes just uses horses and chariots. And one time, Jesus made his disciples steal a colt for him, because “the Lord needs it“. Because God is incapable of traveling to Jerusalem without using somebody’s colt.

Not only does God need people to help him with simple things like building a wall, but he’s not even capable of finding anyone to help him when he needs it! God is appalled that no one thinks the almighty needs their help. He’s so desperate for people to help him that he curses people who fail to do so.

When the Jews were rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem, Nehemiah assigned half the men to defend them from their enemies who were trying to stop them. He made sure that even the construction workers were all armed, and they also had to stand guard at night. Yet Nehemiah claimed if anyone attacked them, God would fight for them. So why does everyone else need to be prepared to fight, then? Seems like God needs an awful lot of help fighting.

After God’s house was destroyed, God complained that his people were living in houses while his own house was still a ruin. And he demanded that they rebuild his house for him. I don’t know why he couldn’t just fix it himself, but it seems he needs other people to do that for him.

God needs people to prepare the way for him, and to make straight paths for him. Apparently it would be too confusing and difficult for him to navigate the wilderness if he didn’t have an easy-to-follow path.

God has co-workers. Because one God apparently isn’t enough to get everything done that he needs done. God needs humans to help him do his work.