An ineffective feminist, a beauty queen, and a genocidal anti-Semite

Xerxes king of Persia (the grandson of Cyrus) held a banquet. He showed off his vast wealth to his nobles and officials and subjects there. He wanted to show off his beautiful wife Vashti too, but she refused to come. The king consulted seven wise men, and they said he should divorce Vashti. That way, all the women in his kingdom wouldn’t think they could get away with disobeying their husbands. So he divorced her.

Now the king needed to find a new wife. So he had lots of beautiful young women from all over the kingdom brought into his harem, so he could try them out. After four years of this, the king found that a girl named Esther was the most attractive. And he made her his new queen.

King Xerxes’ top official was Haman, a descendant of Agag the Amalekite and enemy of the Jews. The king commanded everyone to kneel before Haman, but Esther’s cousin, Mordecai the Jew, refused to do so. This made Haman very angry. So he convinced the king to have all the Jews in the kingdom killed at the end of the year. The king was happy to issue this decree. (He didn’t realize that his wife Esther was Jewish, since she had never told him.)

Esther tries to waste her opportunities

When Mordecai heard about what was happening, he told Esther she should talk to her husband about it. But Esther said no one was allowed to approach the king without being summoned. Anyone who did was usually killed. And the king hadn’t called for her in a month. But Mordecai said if Esther didn’t go to the king, she would be killed anyway, because she was Jewish. So Esther decided to go ask the king for help.

The king was happy to see his beautiful wife, and decided not to kill her for entering his presence. He asked her what she wanted. But instead of telling him, she asked him and Haman to attend a banquet with her. At the banquet, the king asked Esther what she wanted again. But instead of telling him, she asked him and Haman to attend another banquet with her the next day.

How Haman repaid Mordecai

Haman was happy that he was being invited to all these royal banquets. But after Esther’s first banquet, Haman saw Mordecai, who still wasn’t showing him any respect, which made Haman angry. Haman’s friends advised him to put up a 75-foot pole, and get the king to have Mordecai impaled on it. Haman liked that idea, so he set up the pole. But before he could tell the king what to do with Mordecai, the king told him what to do with Mordecai.

Mordecai had once overheard two palace guards plotting to assassinate King Xerxes. So he had told Esther, and she told the king, and he had the guards executed. But the king had forgotten to reward Mordecai until now. So the king asked Haman to suggest ways to show someone honor. Haman gave him some ideas, assuming he wanted to honor Haman. But Haman guessed wrong. And so Haman was forced to dress Mordecai in the king’s robe, put him on the king’s horse, and lead him through the streets, proclaiming how honorable Mordecai was.

Hey man, stop that!

At Esther’s second banquet, the king asked Esther what she wanted one more time. And this time, she finally got around to telling him that Haman was trying to destroy her people. When Haman saw how angry the king was about the decree that the king had approved, he tried to beg Esther to spare his life. But the king thought it looked more like Haman was sexually assaulting her.

Then one of the king’s attendants came and reported that Haman had put up a 75-foot pole to impale Mordecai. So the king ordered the attendant to impale Haman on it instead. After Haman was killed, and Esther told the king that Mordecai was her cousin, Mordecai was made the king’s top official in place of Haman, and Haman’s irrevocable decree was revoked.

Mordecai then used his power to kill tens of thousands of people, including Haman’s ten innocent sons.

The end.

The moral of the story

Power corrupts.

The moral according to Mordecai’s bizarre claims

If you have the power to prevent a Holocaust, don’t bother trying, because someone else will prevent it for you. There’s no need to do it yourself except for selfish reasons.

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