Is it better to be rich or poor?

It’s better to be poor.

It is wrong to seek money so that you can spend it on your pleasures. You should be content with what you already have. And having food and clothing is enough. David, who always did what God wanted him to, was poor and needy. So being poor must be something God wants people to do. Nebuchadnezzar forced most of the people of Judah out of their land, but the poorest people got to stay.

Those who trust in their riches are not righteous, and they will not continue to thrive. The rich occupy low positions. So don’t set your heart on your riches. If you want to get rich, you will be ruined. And if you do get rich, you will disown God!

Don’t hoard wealth. That’s unforgivable. If you do, you will bring harm on yourself. You will lose it all and be tortured and killed. It is much better to fear God and have wisdom, knowledge, righteousness, and a good reputation than to have gold and silver. Which means you have to choose between them, apparently, or else there would be no point in comparing them like that. So don’t store up treasures on earth, only in heaven.

If you’re rich, God will demand a lot more from you. To be perfect and to have eternal life and lasting treasure in heaven, you have to get rid of everything you own. You can’t be a Christian unless you give up everything you have. Worldly wealth will prevent you from getting into the kingdom of God, at least without divine intervention.

God doesn’t feed rich people, and if you’re rich, people won’t be allowed to give you gifts. But if you’re poor, people won’t be allowed to deny you justice. If they do, God will defend you to the death.

Everyone will be legally required to be generous to you if you’re poor. Christians definitely won’t treat you worse if you’re poor, but they might have something against you if you’re rich. Christians only invite poor people to their banquets, not rich people. Poor people get free food! People who don’t give the poor whatever they want deserve to lose an arm!

It’s better to be rich.

Gaining wealth is a good thing, and losing wealth is a bad thing. Being rich makes you much more popular. If you use your wealth to honor God, you will be rewarded with more wealth. But if you use your wealth to gain friends for yourself, you will be rewarded with eternal life! Only people who are good with money will be rewarded in the afterlife. Money is the answer for everything.

Wealth comes from God. It’s a reward for trusting, fearing, and obeying him and doing good. Being righteous and wise will make you get rich and stay rich. Abraham, who always did what God wanted him to do, was wealthy. So being rich must be something God wants people to do.

Being poor is a bad thing. The poor are foolish, and don’t know the way of the Lord. You will not be poor if you are righteous. Being poor makes you vulnerable, forces you to steal, and makes everyone shun you.

If you’re rich, people won’t be allowed to curse you, or to be biased against you. But if you’re poor, you won’t get any mercy from the rich. Only the poor are at risk of being punished with slavery under God’s law. Jesus will solve all your problems for you, unless you’re poor. Then he’ll just tell you “good news”.

It’s… unclear what’s better.

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The Story of the Birth of Jesus
The Massacre of the Innocents

Over a hundred years after the time of Esther, Judea (the home of the Jews) was taken over by the Greeks when Alexander the Great arrived. And three hundred years after that, the Roman Empire took it over.

A carpenter named Joseph, who was descended from the kings of Judah, was engaged to a woman named Mary. Then God impregnated her, which nearly caused them to break up. But God insisted that Joseph should marry Mary anyway, so he did. But he didn’t have sex with her until after she gave birth to God’s baby, which they named Jesus.

While Mary was pregnant, Joseph decided to go to Bethlehem to take part in the governor Quirinius’s census of Judea. Even though Joseph didn’t live in Judea, and even though the census wouldn’t happen till several years later. And Jesus was born there.

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The Massacre of the Innocents
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Do wisdom and wealth always go together?

Yes.

Solomon, the wisest man ever, says if you hold onto his teachings, they’ll bring you prosperity. He says Wisdom holds riches in her hand, and that she calls out offering to make people’s treasuries full with a rich inheritance of riches and enduring wealth. He says anyone who loves understanding will soon prosper. He contrasts fools and the rich, taking it for granted that those are not the same people.

Jeremiah wasn’t surprised that some people were foolish, because they were just poor people. And according to Hosea, God says any nation that lacks understanding will inevitably come to ruin.

No.

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The Story of Queen Esther
A Leisurely-Delivered Urgent Message

An ineffective feminist, a beauty queen, and a genocidal anti-Semite

Xerxes king of Persia (the grandson of Cyrus) held a banquet. He showed off his vast wealth to his nobles and officials and subjects there. He wanted to show off his beautiful wife Vashti too, but she refused to come. The king consulted seven wise men, and they said he should divorce Vashti. That way, all the women in his kingdom wouldn’t think they could get away with disobeying their husbands. So he divorced her.

Now the king needed to find a new wife. So he had lots of beautiful young women from all over the kingdom brought into his harem, so he could try them out. After four years of this, the king found that a girl named Esther was the most attractive. And he made her his new queen.

King Xerxes’ top official was Haman, a descendant of Agag the Amalekite and enemy of the Jews. The king commanded everyone to kneel before Haman, but Esther’s cousin, Mordecai the Jew, refused to do so. This made Haman very angry. So he convinced the king to have all the Jews in the kingdom killed at the end of the year. The king was happy to issue this decree. (He didn’t realize that his wife Esther was Jewish, since she had never told him.)

Esther tries to waste her opportunities

When Mordecai heard about what was happening, he told Esther she should talk to her husband about it. But Esther said no one was allowed to approach the king without being summoned. Anyone who did was usually killed. And the king hadn’t called for her in a month. But Mordecai said if Esther didn’t go to the king, she would be killed anyway, because she was Jewish. So Esther decided to go ask the king for help.

The king was happy to see his beautiful wife, and decided not to kill her for entering his presence. He asked her what she wanted. But instead of telling him, she asked him and Haman to attend a banquet with her. At the banquet, the king asked Esther what she wanted again. But instead of telling him, she asked him and Haman to attend another banquet with her the next day.

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A Leisurely-Delivered Urgent Message
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Had the Spirit been given before?

Fairly early in the gospel of John, it mentions that believers would later receive the Spirit, but that up to that time it had not been given to anyone, because Jesus hadn’t been “glorified” yet. Later in John, shortly before Jesus was arrested, he stated that he had to go away before “the Advocate” would come to his disciples. So it sounds like no one was ever given the Spirit until after Jesus died. Later, Paul says the Spirit has revealed insights about Christ to certain people like him, but not to anyone in any other generations.

But there are plenty of passages in the Bible before those, that indicate that people had already been given the Spirit, most of them having received it many generations before this. Or at least Christian translators like to make it look that way. And some of those people had insights into Christ, long before he was even born. Or at least that’s how Christians like to interpret their prophecies.

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Bad rules in the Bible

Some people think the Bible is a good source of morality. Have those people read the Bible? I don’t see how you could think that, knowing the things the Bible tells people to do.

God even admits that, at least at one point, he was giving his people bad laws. That’s meant to contrast with the laws he had given before, but those were bad already. Paul says the reason God gave his laws in the first place was to make people sin more. And he says even if God intended them to bring life, all God’s deceptive laws did was bring death.

In the Bible, God makes circumcision a requirement for all male descendants of Abraham forever. If you’re going to be mutilating the genitals of babies, you’d better have a very good reason. But the only reason God has for this rule is that it’s the sign of the covenant he’s making. If it’s meant to be a sign, that means the purpose is to communicate something. Why can’t God think of a better way to communicate than by cutting off part of a boy’s penis?

If you want people to be marked with a sign, a body part that people aren’t going to be able to see most of the time is the worst possible place to put it. This rule was stupid. Even the Bible itself later says that circumcision is worse than useless. According to Paul, it can prevent Jesus from saving you. So apparently all of Abraham’s descendants are going to have to go to hell because God made them follow this rule.

God likes to celebrate his holidays by forcing his people to eat “the bread of affliction“.

There are all kinds of problems with the Ten Commandments, as I’ve detailed in another blog post. About half of those commandments really aren’t good rules at all, and the rest are handled rather too simplistically. Most of them are punishable by death, even though half of them are victimless crimes. God doesn’t actually follow the Ten Commandments himself, which shows that either they’re not good or he’s not good. Or both.

One of the main focuses of God’s laws is all the continual animal sacrifices that God demanded from his people. God won’t let you come near him without an offering. And he won’t forgive you unless you shed blood for him. He just likes the smell.

Sometimes they would only burn part of an animal and eat the rest, in which case they’re not actually sacrificing much, are they? But in the case of burnt offerings, they just burned the whole animal. God likes to call these sacrifices “the food of your God“, but of course God doesn’t actually eat animals, and doesn’t need people to feed him, so that’s no excuse.

They were required to sacrifice the best animals they had, which isn’t just needless killing,1 and isn’t just a waste of good meat, but is also dysgenic selective breeding. By specifically killing the best animals they had, they were probably causing the quality of their livestock to continually get worse over time. They were required to waste other kinds of food, too.

God even commanded human sacrifice, requiring his people to sacrifice some of their slaves as well as some of their children to him. They had to give him the firstborn of their sons, just like they gave him the firstborn of their animals.

God’s law says if you find a person who has been killed, and you don’t know who did it, you can just blame it on a cow. Break the cow’s neck, and God’s bizarre sense of justice will be satisfied. By killing an animal, you can convince God not to punish people, regardless of whether they’re actually guilty or not. That means either that murderers can bribe God to ignore what they’ve done, or that the people in this scenario aren’t guilty, but God doesn’t care and would have killed them anyway, but then he decides not to kill them, because they killed a cow.

It’s against the rules to kill cows or sheep and also kill their parents on the same day, though. What good could this rule possibly do? The only result I can see this having is that animals will suffer more due to being separated.

The biblical protocol for dealing with infectious skin diseases involves a lot of pointless bloodshed. God should be able to easily fix everything without requiring any of that, but he thinks bloodshed is the only possible way to make things right.

The law states that people are to be considered clean when there’s a disease visibly covering their whole body. And that people who are confirmed to be diseased are not to be isolated. But once you’ve recovered from a skin disease, then you have to spend a week outdoors. You’re not even allowed to use a tent.

God’s law has a lot so say about “uncleanness”. Not about actual hygiene, but about random things that he’s decided need to be avoided for no real reason. The only reason to avoid this kind of “uncleanness” is because if you don’t, God will kill you for breaking his stupid, unreasonable, arbitrary “uncleanness” rules.

God’s laws don’t just encourage generosity, but instead make it mandatory, which makes it into theft. God says a little stealing is fine, just don’t do a lot of stealing, at least not all from the same person. But if you kill a thief who breaks into your home, you may or may not be considered guilty, depending on what time of day you did it.

God’s laws condone brutal slavery. Apologists like to focus on the less terrible temporary debt slavery when they discuss biblical slavery, but the Bible also allows much worse slavery practices that are no better than what normally comes to mind when you think of slavery. And the Bible’s laws regarding slavery are discriminatory, so being a slave is much worse if you’re a women or a foreigner. God’s law also allows for slaves to be irreversibly “devoted to the Lord”, which apparently involves getting killed.

God says if you find an attractive woman among the captives of war that you’ve taken, then after she’s done mourning for her parents that you killed, you and your captive can get married. Like she would want to.

If a man’s married brother dies childless, God’s law requires the man to either marry the widow and have kids who won’t be considered his, or be publicly disgraced. (Or maybe even be personally killed by God.) God doesn’t even consider the possibility that the widow doesn’t want to marry her husband’s brother. Or the possibility that someone in this situation is incapable of having kids.

God’s law declares Nazirites guilty of “sinning” if they happen to be nearby when someone else dies. Unless all Nazirites are like Samson, that probably wasn’t the Nazirite’s fault. And God says anyone who gets counted in a census has to either “pay the Lord a ransom” or die, when they haven’t done anything.

Even Jesus thinks the laws God gave his people are an unreasonable burden. And the law says none of these terrible rules can ever be changed in any way. Good thing everyone ignores that rule. Even God ignored it, and continued making up new insane rules later on, like requiring all prophets to be stabbed to death by their parents.

One of the rules for people who want to be disciples of Jesus is that they have to hate their families.

Jesus says you should do to others as you would have them do to you, which sounds like a pretty good rule if you don’t think about what it’s saying. A lot of atheists even agree with it. But I’d say it’s really not a good rule at all. I’ve written a whole other blog post explaining why. Basically the problem is that it completely fails to take into account what others want, which is a pretty important thing to consider when you’re deciding what to do to others.

Jesus’s rule for how to deal with evil people abusing you is to not resist them. If people are stealing from you, hitting you, or kidnapping you, just encourage them to do even more evil. He says you have to forgive people for what they did to you, if you want God to forgive you. But forgiving people isn’t an inherently good thing. By forgiving everyone unconditionally, you would just be making people more likely to do bad things to you.

Jesus says you should deal with your own problems before you worry about helping others. Well, he was probably trying to say something else, but the way he put it sure makes it sound like he’s promoting selfish behavior.

Here’s another command Jesus gave his followers: Love each other the way he loved you. Which was by getting himself killed. Jesus wants you to show your love for your fellow Christians by dying. If you don’t follow his evil, unreasonable command, you are no friend of Jesus. (Jesus has a weird idea of friendship.)

Paul had a rule for his followers, which he claimed was a command from God: Married people can never get divorced. This is a bad rule because it turns marriage into captivity, forcing people in unhappy or even abusive situations to stay that way for the rest of their lives. Banning divorce, or even just banning no-fault divorce, also makes adultery happen more often. Even God disagrees with Paul’s rule, or else God wouldn’t have given his people rules commanding them to get divorced in certain situations.

The Bible tells people to embrace faith, and other irrational and anti-intellectual ways of thinking that are inherently opposed to truth. God apparently even wants people to be ignorant of his own laws, since he says people who didn’t know they were disobeying won’t be punished as hard.

Discrimination

The Bible has a lot of rules that discriminate against certain kinds of people for no good reason.2 For instance, it’s unbelievably sexist, forbidding women to have any position of authority or even to speak at church. It treats women as property, and says people who do bad things to a woman have to compensate the man in charge of her, instead of having to compensate her. Paul says women need to submit to their husbands like they’re God, and Peter says women need to submit to their husbands the same way he thinks slaves should submit to their violently abusive masters.

The Bible says men who have sex with men have to be killed for their wicked, detestable, vile, outrageous, shameful sin, and will not be allowed into the kingdom of God. God’s law also demands that anyone who worships any other gods be killed.

A lot of the stuff that the law of Moses required other Israelites to tithe “to God” actually went to the Levites. Moses was a Levite, by the way. Moses kept claiming that God wanted the people to give Moses’s family and tribe free food and money. And people could be executed for doing things that the priests and other Levites did all the time. But even the priests were at risk of God killing them if they broke his arbitrary rules about things like what to drink and what kind of underwear to wear.

Because some Amalekites attacked Israel once, God decided that all their descendants should be treated as enemies forever. God bans people from his assembly for the crime of having a forbidden marriage in their ancestry ten generations in the past. And he bans descendants of Ammonites and Moabites, because they have some ancestors who weren’t nice to the Israelites when the Israelites were trying to destroy all the nations in their path.

God’s laws demand that you respect old people, even though not all old people are respectable. The law also says you shouldn’t say anything bad about your rulers and religious leaders. When Paul realized that he was talking to a ruler, he decided he had been wrong to point out that that person was violating the law. According to the Bible, everyone should just let the rulers and leaders do all the bad things they want, without anyone even being allowed to talk about it.

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Does everyone who asks receive?

Yes.

When Solomon asked God to answer the prayers of whoever prayed toward his temple, God agreed. Solomon’s temple doesn’t exist anymore, but now we have Jesus. And he says you can ask him for anything, and he will do what you ask. All you have to do is ask for something in Jesus’s name, and God will give you whatever you asked for. Because God is willing to satisfy the desires of everyone and everything alive.

It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’re like. God gives generously to everyone who asks, without finding fault. Ordinary human beings can control the weather, just by asking God. If you don’t have what you want, it’s only because you haven’t asked God for it.

And it’s not just God who will always give you what you ask for. Jesus says everyone who asks receives. So you could ask anyone for anything, even from someone evil, and you will definitely get what you want.

Maybe?

Elihu said you can pray and God will turn your life back around… at least if there happens to be an angel around and the angel decides to ask God to spare your life. That sounds like a pretty specific kind of situation, so it doesn’t seem like he’s saying this is how it will always be for everyone. And we don’t even know if Elihu is right, since God never clarified whether Elihu had spoken the truth about him or not.

When God agreed to Solomon’s requests about the temple, God said now he would be attentive to the prayers offered there. Is that unusual? Does he normally ignore the prayers offered in other places?

Jesus says even evil people know how to give good gifts to their children. So God will certainly give good gifts to those who ask him. But will he give bad gifts? What happens if you ask God for a bad gift? Jesus doesn’t say.

James states that if you ask anything of God according to his will, he’ll do it. That condition he’s added there pretty much negates the whole statement. Of course God is going to do what he wants, regardless of what you think he should do. But then when James attempts to restate the same thing, he forgets to include that condition, which means he’s saying something very different this time. Do these people even know what they’re saying?

No.

Obviously Jesus is wrong when he says everyone who asks receives. The Bible itself contains plenty of counter-examples.

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The Story of Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and Daniel
Daniel in the Lions' Den

Fake fortune tellers exposed

After Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon captured Jehoiakim (the third-to-last king of Judah), the four smartest aristocratic young men in Judah were brought to Babylon to be Nebuchadnezzar’s advisers. Their names were Hananiah, Mishael, Azariah, and Daniel, but king Nebuchadnezzar renamed them Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and Belteshazzar. (Apparently one of those new names wasn’t so catchy.)

Nebuchadnezzar had a troubling dream about a big statue being smashed by a rock, which then became a huge mountain. He decided to see if his magicians could tell him what it meant. To make sure they were really capable of interpreting it, instead of telling them what he had dreamed about, he demanded that they tell him first. The magicians said that was impossible; only a god could do that. Since they couldn’t read his mind, the king decided to have all the wise men in Babylon killed for being frauds.

But the king’s wise adviser Daniel said that wouldn’t be necessary, because his God could help him do what the king demanded. Daniel described the dream and said it was a prediction about the kingdoms that would come after Nebuchadnezzar’s. The king was very impressed, and he promoted Daniel and his friends to high positions.

Daniel obeys the king

After he had a dream about a huge statue, Nebuchadnezzar decided to make a huge statue. He decreed that everyone had to worship the statue or die. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused to worship it, so the king had them tied up and thrown into a furnace. Daniel didn’t get thrown into the furnace, so apparently he was willing to worship the king’s idol.

God sent an angel to protect Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and they came out of the furnace unharmed. The king was very impressed, and he promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to high positions.

God continues to communicate badly

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Daniel in the Lions’ Den
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Does every firstborn male belong to God?

Yes.

When God killed the firstborn of the Egyptians, he decided that the firstborn of the Israelites would be set apart to be his. So God commanded his people to consecrate every firstborn male to him. He said the first son of every female animal or human in Israel belongs to him. You can never choose to dedicate a firstborn animal to God, because the firstborn already belongs to God by default.

That means the people have to give all their firstborn males over to God. You must give him the firstborn of your sons, doing the same thing you do with the firstborn among your livestock: They can only stay with their mothers for seven days, then you hand them over to God. They are to be set apart and never put to work the way others would be. This is how God decided it will be, therefore this is how it will be forever, and it can never be changed.

No.

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Things the Bible doesn’t say

There are a lot of things that aren’t in the Bible, but for some reason everybody assumes they are.

Old Testament stories

The Bible doesn’t say Adam had another wife named Lilith. The only “lilith” mentioned in the Bible is some kind of creature that Isaiah said would haunt the ruins of Edom. Possibly a demon, or maybe just an owl. And the word Isaiah uses is plural, so it’s not an individual. The idea of Lilith being a wife of Adam seems to have come from an 8th-century work of satirical fiction.

The Bible doesn’t say Adam and Eve ate an apple. It just says they ate a certain kind of fruit that was forbidden. You don’t think eating apples is forbidden, do you? I’m not sure why anyone would assume the fruit that was forbidden was an apple, when they don’t regard apples as forbidden in any other context.3

It doesn’t say that nudity became sinful when Adam and Eve sinned, or that their sin was actually discovering sex, or anything like that. The first thing God ever said to humans was telling them to reproduce, so he clearly didn’t have a problem with sex. And it never says God thought there was anything wrong with people being naked. That was Adam and Eve’s own sin-induced perception, which God didn’t really seem to agree with.

It doesn’t say Cain and Abel were Adam and Eve’s only children. They were their first, but it says Adam had other sons and daughters. Noah, and therefore everyone after him, was descended from Adam and Eve’s son Seth, not from Cain. (At least not patrilineally.)

It doesn’t say the mark of Cain was a curse of any kind. It says God cursed Cain, but then agreed to also give him a mark that would prevent people from killing him. Having the mark was desirable for Cain. It also doesn’t say Cain’s mark was the origin of dark skin. The Bible never says what the mark looked like. It doesn’t say Ham or his son Canaan had dark skin, either.

The Bible doesn’t say the dove brought back an olive branch to Noah. It was an olive leaf. Only one English version I know of mistranslates it as a branch.

It doesn’t say Job was patient. In fact, Job specifically rejects the idea that there’s any reason he should be patient. His resolve to refrain from criticizing God lasts no more than the first two chapters. Then for the next thirty chapters or so, he does almost nothing but rant about how cruelly and unjustly God is treating him, and how he can’t wait to meet God so he can let him know what God has done wrong.4 I have no idea why people think of Job as patient. What could he have done that would show less patience?

It doesn’t say God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because of homosexuality. The Sodomite men in the story do seem to be gay; they all want to have sex with the men visiting Lot, and they aren’t interested when Lot offers to let them have sex with his daughters instead.5 But the Bible never says that was why God destroyed Sodom.

There are two passages in the Bible that give specific reasons for Sodom and Gomorrah being considered evil. One is a list of failings that have nothing to do with sex. The other says they were punished for sexual immorality, but it doesn’t specify what kind of acts they were being punished for.

The Bible doesn’t say Joseph was the youngest son of Jacob. Benjamin was the youngest.

It doesn’t say God killed Onan for masturbating. It says God killed him for refusing to impregnate his brother’s wife. He could have completely avoided any kind of sexual act, and God still would have killed him. It doesn’t say Onan ever masturbated, and God never said there was anything wrong with masturbation anyway.

It doesn’t say Moses grew up not knowing he was a Hebrew. There is no scene in the Bible where he finds out he was adopted.

It doesn’t say the Pharaoh that Moses freed Israel from was Ramesses II. Most Pharaohs mentioned in the Bible, including that one, go unnamed.

It doesn’t say atheists are fools, or that they’re uncommonly evil. That verse in the Psalms says fools are atheists, which is not the same thing. If all fools are atheists, it’s still possible that most atheists aren’t fools. And it says everyone in the world is evil, not just the atheists.

It doesn’t say Jezebel was a prostitute. Apparently some people think she was because it mentions her putting on makeup once?? But in context, it certainly doesn’t seem like she’s trying to seduce anyone.

It doesn’t say Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Every translation I know of calls it a fish. Not that the ancient writers of the story would have even been aware of that distinction. And the mention of the fish in the book of Matthew does sometimes get translated as “whale”. But still, that’s not what the actual book of Jonah says. So why do people always call it a whale?

New Testament stories

The Bible doesn’t say anything about an “immaculate conception”. It does mention a virgin birth, of course, but the immaculate conception is something entirely different. Immaculate conception means being conceived without inheriting sin, which some Christians believe is true of Jesus’s mother Mary. But that didn’t become an official part of Catholic belief until the 19th century, because the Bible says nothing about it.

It doesn’t say how old Mary was when she married Joseph. Getting married at 12 wouldn’t have been anything unusual in the past, but the Bible doesn’t actually mention her age. Or his.

It doesn’t say Mary and Joseph were immigrants when Jesus was born. Some American liberals like to call them “undocumented immigrants” or “refugees” for some reason. They were not any of those things. At least not until they fled to Egypt a couple of years later, which I’m pretty sure is not what those people have in mind.

It doesn’t say Mary and Joseph had to stay in a stable because there was no room in the inn and they couldn’t go somewhere else because she was about to give birth. It just says she gave birth “while they were there”, not necessarily the night they arrived. And it doesn’t even mention an inn or a stable at all! All it says is that Mary put her baby in a manger “because there was no guest room available“. More likely, they were staying with relatives. With the livestock that the relatives had brought into their house, because people did that back then.

It doesn’t actually mention any animals being present when Jesus was born, though.

It doesn’t say Jesus was born on the 25th of December. Winter seems like an unlikely time for a Roman census. Or for shepherds to be out in the fields at night. Based on what the Bible actually says, it’s arguably more likely Jesus was conceived around that date, and born in September.6

The Bible doesn’t say three wise men visited baby Jesus, much less say what their names were. It just says the wise men (however many there might have been) brought him three gifts. It doesn’t say the wise men were kings. They were Magi, which might mean they were mathematicians, astronomers, priests, astrologers, alchemists, or magicians, but not kings. And it doesn’t say the wise men came on the night Jesus was born. It was more like two years later.

The Bible doesn’t say Mary was a virgin all her life. It says Joseph married her, and abstained from sex until Jesus was born. (The author wouldn’t have included that qualifier if he hadn’t mean that they did have sex after Jesus was born.) And later, it says Jesus had brothers and sisters.7

It doesn’t say Christ was Jesus’s last name. His followers called him by the title Christ, because they believed he was the Messiah, which is what Christ means. But other people wouldn’t have called him that. To everyone else, he was Jesus of Nazareth, or Jesus son of Joseph.

It doesn’t say Jesus had long hair.8 According to the Bible, long hair on a man is disgraceful. It doesn’t say Jesus dressed in white, either. The Bible doesn’t say anything about what he looked like. Unless you count the alleged Old Testament prophecies about him, which call him horrifyingly ugly.

It doesn’t say Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. Just about all it says about her is that she saw Jesus die and she saw him after he rose and she used to be possessed by seven demons. So where did people get the idea that she was a prostitute? Well, Luke and John both have stories where a woman pours perfume on Jesus’s feet. Luke’s story describes the woman as sinful, and in John’s story the woman is Lazarus’s sister Mary.

But to conclude that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute based on that, you would have to make three questionable assumptions: that both of these stories are supposed to refer to the same event even though they take place in different locations, that Mary Magdalene was Lazarus’s sister (note that there are several different people named Mary in the gospels), and that the “sinful” woman was specifically a prostitute.

The Bible doesn’t say the Jews killed Jesus. At least not directly. It says they wanted to,9 but under Roman rule they weren’t allowed to execute anyone themselves. So they had to convince the Romans to do it. Pilate tried to put all the blame on the Jews, even though he could have easily overruled their wishes if he really didn’t want Jesus to die. But anyway, the Bible says it was really God’s idea. Blame him.

It doesn’t say Saul of Tarsus changed his name and became Paul when he converted to Christianity. He just always had two names, a Hebrew name and a Latin name, because he was born both a Jew and a Roman citizen. He may have used the name Paul more often when he was traveling outside Judea to preach to the Gentiles, because he wanted to be relatable, but he never stopped being Saul.

Continue reading Things the Bible doesn’t say
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