The Bible contains a lot of questions, and it doesn’t always provide satisfactory answers. So I’ve been answering some of the Bible’s questions myself. This time, I’m looking at questions from Solomon. And from whoever else might have written or contributed to the books generally attributed to Solomon.

Some wise person asks: Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Answer: Most people have at least some of those things, don’t they?

Solomon repeatedly asks: What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun? Answer: Money and stuff.

Solomon hears a man ask: For whom am I toiling? Answer: For the mutual benefit of you and your employer.

He hears the man ask: And why am I depriving myself of enjoyment? Answer: Because you have to spend some time working to fulfill your needs. Otherwise, you’ll be even more thoroughly deprived of enjoyment.

Solomon asks: What benefit are goods to consumers, except to feast their eyes on them? Answer: Some of them keep you alive, some make your life easier, some are enjoyable (visually or otherwise), etc.

He asks: Do not all go to the same place? Answer: No, some people stay in other places all their lives. And they’re not all disposed of in the same place after death, either.

Solomon imagines someone asking: Why were the old days better than these? Answer: Possible reasons the past might seem better than the present (whether it really was or not) include:

• You weren’t old then.
• You weren’t burdened with so many responsibilities when you were a kid.
• Happy memories are more memorable in the long term.
• Technology makes it easier to find out about the bad things that are happening that you were less aware of in the past.
• The news tends to focus more on bad news, because good news is often relatively boring.
• Only the best artistic works from the past are preserved and remembered, while the majority are forgotten because they weren’t worth preserving.
• You don’t know enough about history to realize how bad things were.
• You’re hearing about the past from people who didn’t realize how bad things were in other places.

A lot of things are actually better than they were in the past, mainly thanks to technology. There are also a lot of things that probably really were better in the past, which you may not be aware of for some of the same reasons you may not be aware of the parts that were worse. But in any case, these trends are not universal and linear and unchanging. There are things that used to be worse, but also used to be better before that, or vice versa.

When Solomon knocks on her bedroom door, his lover asks: I have taken off my robe—must I put it on again? Answer: I don’t think that will be necessary.

Solomon asks their friends: Why would you gaze on the Shulammite? Answer: Because she’s beautiful?

And the friends ask: Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? Answer: The Shulammite, I presume.

Questions about morality

Solomon asks: Should your wells, cisterns, or springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Solomon’s answer: No, that would be wrong; you have to keep what you have to yourself. Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. Real answer: If you have plenty, then yes, of course there’s nothing wrong with sharing what you have; generosity is good.

He asks: Why be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman? Answer: Maybe her bosom is nicer than my wife’s… Anyway, being in love with a deer doesn’t sound like a great option either.

And he asks: Who can say, “I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin”? Answer: Noah, Job, Abraham, John the Baptist’s parents, a blind man and his parents, Paul…

Some wise person asks: Doesn’t God know it when you make excuses? Answer: I wouldn’t count on it. There are quite a few passages in the Bible that indicate that God has a pretty hazy idea of what’s going on in the world. Including having limited awareness of whether people are doing something wrong.

The wise ask: Won’t God repay everyone according to what they have done? Answer: I wouldn’t count on that either, because there are also lots of passages in the Bible that indicate that God doesn’t care about ensuring justice, even when he is aware of what people are doing.

Somebody (Lemuel, maybe?) asks: Who can find a wife of noble character? Answer: John the Baptist’s father did, and a blind man’s father did. In fact, if Solomon is to be believed, all wives are good. (And he had plenty of experience with wives. The Bible disagrees with him, though, and says Solomon’s wives in particular were not good.)

Solomon asks: What does pleasure accomplish? Answer: Well, it can motivate people to do what they need to do. But it’s really more of an end, not a means. Or you could say it’s a bonus that you get when you accomplish other things.

He asks: When you make a vow to God and then try to get out of it by saying your vow was a mistake, why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands? Answer: Because you made a false vow.

Solomon asks: What do the poor gain by knowing how to conduct themselves before others? Implied answer: Nothing, so they might as well not know how to conduct themselves. Real answer: They probably do benefit in some way, but that doesn’t really matter. The purpose of knowing how to conduct yourself before others is mainly about benefiting those other people, not about gaining anything for yourself. But the concept of non-selfish motivations is something that everyone in the Bible seems to struggle to grasp, for some reason.

Then he asks: Who knows what is good for a person in life, during the few and meaningless days they pass through like a shadow? Answer: Not you, apparently. I don’t see what the big mystery is…

And he asks: Since a king’s word is supreme, who can say to him, “What are you doing?” Answer: Plenty of prophets did that in the Bible.