Here’s a flowchart showing what an inconsistent mess the Bible’s concept of God is:
God flowchart
Tag Archives: god
The Story of Jacob and Esau—
How to be Blessed
Jacob and Esau were twin brothers, the sons of Abraham’s son Isaac and Rebekah, Isaac’s first cousin once removed. Esau, the firstborn, was red and hairy. His brother Jacob was notoriously deceptive; he was pulling Esau’s leg from the day he was born.
Continue reading The Story of Jacob and Esau—How to be Blessed
The Story of Sodom and Gomorrah—
Lot's Family's Mostly Unsuccessful Attempt to Avoid Being Raped and Killed
Abraham’s nephew Lot was a righteous man. He lived in the city of Sodom, where nearly everyone was so wicked that God decided to kill them all.1 So God sent two angels (who looked like men) to Sodom. Lot met them and convinced them to spend the night at his house.
Continue reading The Story of Sodom and Gomorrah—Lot's Family's Mostly Unsuccessful Attempt to Avoid Being Raped and Killed
The Story of Abraham’s Sacrifice—
Isaac and his Murderous Psycho Father
Ten generations after Noah, God promised a man named Abraham that he would have countless descendants through Isaac, the son of Abraham and his sister Sarah. But before Isaac could grow up and have children, the all-good God ordered Abraham to sacrifice Isaac as a burnt offering. So Abraham lied to his servants and his son about what he was planning to do, so they wouldn’t interfere. Then he tied up his son, put him on an altar, and picked up a knife…
Continue reading The Story of Abraham’s Sacrifice—Isaac and his Murderous Psycho Father
The Story of the Torture of Job—
The Truth About God
God makes a deal with the devil
One day, Satan went up to see God, and they talked about a man named Job,1 who God said was the most righteous and godly person in the world. Satan was of the opinion that Job only seemed so good to God because God was so good to Job. He said if God would curse Job, then Job would curse God. The all-knowing God wanted to find out if Satan was right, so he gave Satan permission to do whatever he wanted to Job, as long as he didn’t physically harm him.
So Satan sent raiders to steal Job’s 500 donkeys, 1000 oxen, and 3000 camels. God helped him by sending fire from heaven to burn up Job’s 7000 sheep. Satan also sent a strong wind to knock down a house and kill Job’s ten children, and he got most of Job’s many servants killed too. Then God made everyone else Job knew shun him. Job responded by tearing his clothes off and worshiping God. Righteous Job didn’t think God had done anything wrong by letting Satan murder his children.
When Satan came to see God again, God pointed out that Job still loved him, even after Satan had convinced God to destroy nearly everything Job had for no reason. Satan explained that Job was too selfish to care about his children and servants dying. But if God attacked Job personally, that would be enough to make him curse God. The all-good God decided to see if Satan was right, so he gave Satan permission to do whatever he wanted to Job, as long as he didn’t kill him.
So Satan covered Job with painful sores. God helped him by giving Job horrible nightmares, and sending wicked people to beat him up, spit at him, and laugh at him. Job got a fever, and his skin started changing color and peeling off. His wife advised him to curse God for ruining his life, so God would put him out of his misery. Job admitted that God was the cause of his trouble, but he didn’t see why his all-good God should be expected to do only good things all the time.
Continue reading The Story of the Torture of Job—The Truth About God
The Story of the Tower of Babel—
Babble Babble Babble
When Noah’s flood had reduced the world population to 8, and while the population was recovering for a while after that, everyone in the world spoke the same language. People who had moved to the East started to build a great, unifying city with a huge tower that would reach to the heavens.
Continue reading The Story of the Tower of Babel—Babble Babble Babble
The Story of Noah’s Ark—
The One Where God Decides to Kill Everybody
More than 1500 years after the perfect God created his perfect world, he realized that creating humans had been a bad idea, because humans are evil. To correct his mistake, God decided to kill all the humans, and all the animals too, for some reason. But there was one righteous man in the world who God didn’t want to kill, and his name was Noah.
Continue reading The Story of Noah’s Ark—The One Where God Decides to Kill Everybody
The Story of Cain and Abel—
The Picky Eater
Adam and Eve’s first two sons were Cain, who grew plants, and Abel, who raised animals. They offered some of their plants and animals to God, but God only liked Abel’s meat, and didn’t like Cain’s fruits. Cain got very angry, and the all-knowing God couldn’t figure out why.
Continue reading The Story of Cain and Abel—The Picky Eater
The Story of Adam and Eve—
The Garden of Eden
In the beginning, there was nothing but a perfect God. Everything that existed was perfect. So God decided to create the world, which he knew1 would turn out to be imperfect. Now everything is no longer perfect. Good job, God.
Continue reading The Story of Adam and Eve—The Garden of Eden